Dealing with Thai Neighbors

I realize that I'm still a guest in Thailand even though I've been here a few years. I do try and respect the local norms and not rock the boat too much; some days are easier than others. One of the biggest challenges for me since moving to Thailand has been dealing with Thai neighbors. This has not been because my Thai neighbors are unfriendly; not a bit of it. The problem that I have with them is that they just don't understand privacy like we do back in the west. As I say, it is up to me to change and not Thailand, but this is an issue that causes me great discomfort sometimes.

The first time I really noticed the liberal attitude that my Thai neighbors have to privacy was during the three and a half years living in my wife's village. I quickly found that not only was my presence in the village the source of much comment and interest, but it also would lead to my living room becoming a drop-in centre for the rest of my time there. Where we lived didn't have a proper door but instead had shutters so once they were open it was like we lived in a shop with Thai neighbors dropping by for a chat. Some mornings I would beg my wife to leave the shutters down for another hour in the morning, but she always patiently explained to me that if we didn't open our doors at seven then the whole village would be commenting on how lazy we were; this didn't bother me one bit, but it did worry my wife. At night when the shutters were finally pulled down again it would feel like coming off stage after a busy show.

I remember one time waiting for weeks to have satellite television installed in our home. I hadn't watched any English language TV in months so I was really excited. It happened that day that one of the young monks dropped by for a visit. I actually liked it when the monks called by because Buddhist philosophy is one of my favorite subjects. This particular monk had told me from the beginning that he had no real interest in Buddhism and had only ordained for the free education. This day he had not come to exchange views on esoteric Buddhism but only to play football on my Playstation with his younger brother. He stayed there for six hours even though I was itching to try out my new satellite channels. I was fuming and dropped every subtle hint in the book, but my wife would not allow me to ask him to leave. You just don't tell people that they have out stayed their welcome in Thailand; causing someone to lose face like this is a big no-no.

Now that we live away from the village and in a city it doesn't mean that dealing with my Thai neighbors is always easy. At least now we have a front door we can close. Sometimes this isn't enough and any stranger walking by might decide to drop in for a chat. This can still take a lot of getting used to.

It may sound to Thai people that we westerners are a very unfriendly lot. I don't know how much truth there is in this, but it just feels unnatural for me to be around people all the time. I value my personal space; it really feels like my sanity requires it. Maybe it is the west that has it wrong.

In some ways I really admire the people of Thailand for begin so open with each other and not having the same barriers between people that we do in the west. This is not to say that all Thai people share the same view about neighbors. There are likely many Thai people who are as troubled by overly intrusive Thai neighbors as I am.