Dear Diary: The Fortunes and Misfortunes of a Stay-at-Home Mom

I sat here all day with writer's block. I didn't work out. I didn't shower. I didn't make a nice breakfast for myself. No pancakes without syrup for me today. Instead, I had corn flakes, which are so "meh," and sat here staring at the screen for hours. My 4-year-old entertained himself. The baby jumped in his Jumperoo much of the day.

I have to admit that I was a little discouraged by some articles I read on Associated Content about rejections. To read people write about their articles getting rejected is a bit of a downer. I thought you could write about anything. I thought I was going to magically pay off my debt with Associated Content so that I can continue to stay home with my children. Then I wondered to myself why I was paid for some of the things I've already been paid for if so many suffer the pain of a big fat "Rejected." I guess I will keep on writing and await my first rejection. When that happens I will cry myself to sleep and vow never to write again, but be rest assured I'll be here the next day.

I ate the last of the cookie ice-cream sandwiches and now I'm feeling the sugar craving. I had my coffee this morning, but I'm pretty tired and need something to be excited about. I'm feeling hopeless right now. I may have screwed up a very good friendship. I seem to do that to myself. I always sabotage what is great in my life. I suppose that I feel I deserve nothing good and that there always must be some sort of drama present for me to keep things fresh and interesting. Why is that?

My best friend - who is gay and in the Air Force - called me and asked why I hadn't called all day. I guess I just haven't felt right today and I knew he was at work, so I didn't bother. He seems to have a problem with my friendship with Devon. Devon is my only true friend in Georgia. I haven't connected with anyone quite like her, aside from a very evil person that I have parted ways with. Anyway, Devon has been there for me and has been a great friend. My guy friend - we will call him Mr. Alfie as a sort of screwed up nickname for Air Force - started saying that he has a problem with my friendship with Devon. He said that it is interfering with my friendship with him and that she is not cool in the sense that when I'm around her and am on the phone with him, she doesn't ask to talk to him. Of course, he was totally joking in all of this.

Somewhere along the way, Mr. Alfie and I got the bright idea to prank call Devon. Last week Devon had her carpet cleaned by Stanley Steamer. The guy that came out tried to convince her to tip him well in exchange for extra scrubbing. If you know anything about carpet cleaning, this is a totally bogus practice to scam the customer so that you get a tip. She had already had the same thing happen with the same company just a few months before, so she told him no thanks. She later complained to the manager and told him what happened. He said he would have a talk with the guy. Devon and I joked that he knew where she lived and she'd better hope that he didn't get fired or something. My friend and I thought it'd be fun for him to pretend to be Carpet Guy. Looking back, this was not a great idea at all. And how immature of me (and Alfie).

Ring. Ring.

Devon: "Hello?"

Mr. Alfie: "Yeah, hey, how's it going?"

Devon: "Who is this?"

Mr. Alfie: "I cleaned your carpet the other day, you remember? Yeah, you got me fired."

Devon: "Hello? Hellooo?"

Mr. Alfie: "You heard me. You got me fired."

Devon: "I can't hear you. My phone is breaking up. Who is this?"

Mr. Alfie: "I cleaned your carpet the other day and you talked to my boss and got me fired. How am I going to feed my kids?"

Devon: "I have no idea what you're talking about."

After several don't-know-what-you're-talking-abouts, Devon hung up. I realized she probably thought it was for real, which I didn't expect, and hung up to call her. She answered the second time that I called. She said hello, I said hello. I asked what she was doing. She said, "Did you have someone call me?" I suppose she figured it out since I called so soon after and twice in a row. I sort of laughed and said yes and that it was pretty hilarious. She said, "Michelle, OMG, you scared me so bad. That is not funny!" Her voice began to break up on the second sentence and I realized she was crying.

Dial tone.

She had hung up on me. I was devastated. At that moment I realized the severity of what I'd done. I'd probably lost my friend. At the very least, I had damaged my friendship. And for what? A childish giggle? I called Alfie back and told him what had happened. He said not to sweat it. He said if she couldn't take a joke then she wasn't worth the time. In a way, I agree. But at the same time, if someone had done that to me, I probably would have been very scared. I can't imagine what she was feeling. She was sitting on the other line thinking some strange man that she got fired, that knew where she lived, was coming for her.

What a dope you are, Michelle.

I sent Devon an e-mail apologizing to her, but I have a feeling things will never be the same. Some may say big deal, whatever. But I really hurt my friend. I really scared her. In a way I want to laugh because I wonder how she could have possibly believed what was being said. Alfie never gave her a name or day and he didn't sound believable to me. And the whole feeding his kids remark made it even more laughable. But she did believe it. And it did scare her. I really took things too far. And the sad part is that I was trying to make her laugh and lighten her up.

I'm going to go crawl in a hole now. Perhaps I should put on a Huggies diaper because that is how much I could bawl like a baby right now. I am such a loser. I should know better since I'm a mother of two.