Dear Fluffy's Mom: An Open Letter from a Mother to a Pet Owner

Thanks for inviting us to your party, I really did look forward to it, especially when you said "I want to get the whole family together - be sure and bring little Goober, I want to see my nephew again!" When we got there, though, you gave me an entirely different impression. There was literally nowhere I could let Goober down - you have an unfenced front yard, your living room was full of expensive electronics and other breakables, not to mention the oh-so-tempting fireplace, and to top it, your Fluffy was running all around the room. The back yard, though small, would have been fine, except there was a blazing hot grill out there. Now, you know I'm fond of Fluffy, but since she's a small, temperamental poodle, I didn't think it would be such a good idea to let Goober chase her. Poor Goober - we ended up having to go back out to the car we'd been in for 3 hours to even change diapers.

Do you remember how Goober and I basically didn't get to talk to anyone because I had to hold him and sit on the couch, fending off Fluffy and also your brother-in-law's big dog, Killer, that he brought along thinking it would be a great time to train him?

On another note, do you remember me desperately feeding Goober about ten times his normal amount of animal crackers (while fending off Fluffy) because nobody told us that "lunch" meant four in the afternoon? We got there about eleven, as I recall. Just about two, as Goober was getting really desperate, you came in and petted Fluffy and commented that I should let Goober play with her. I don't think a hungry, cranky, tired toddler is a good match for a hyperactive poodle, but you seemed blissfully oblivious.

Finally, I took Goober out in your unfenced front yard and hung onto his shirt while we walked around. Seemed a little crazy to take the kid outside instead of the dog, but hey, I had to do something. I'd love to say I had a great time, but honestly it was the most stressful party I've ever been to.

Next time you invite us to a party, by the way, I think that Goober and I may already have plans. Maybe I've just been spoiled by other relatives who at least move the glass up above Goober's reach and leave the fire out of the fireplace. We pet-proofed for Fluffy when you came to visit before we had Goober, seems to me you should have the courtesy to child-proof a little for Goober. You may see Fluffy as your child, but I don't think Fluffy's Mom is ready for play dates.