Dear Microsoft,

We've known each other for a long time. First there was BASIC, which allowed me to create wonderful programs only a kid could love. You introduced me to DOS and eventually Windows. Each has been a passionate affair.

After meeting Windows 98, the affair began to wane. You are such an expensive lover I began to feel used. My wallet started crying for relief and I confess - I started seeing other operating systems.

That was when I met Linux. At first I thought he was kinda nerdy but his promise of never asking me for money was one I could not resist. I craved not having to open my wallet with each new adventure, and that little penguin promised just that.

We've had a rough ride that penguin and I, but one I would not give up for anything! Linux finally introduced me to Ubuntu, my tall South African warrior. He is so passionate, so modern! For anything and everything I want to do he is ready and you know what Microsoft? He has never asked me for a single dime!

What have you done for me lately Microsoft? You brought XP several years ago and broke my computers until you finally came out with an update. Then you gave me Vista and it was even worse! Instead of working on you I am forced to sit and watch a little circle spin round and round!

I thought maybe it was me, perhaps there was something wrong with my system despite the fact that you came pre-installed, so I asked Ubuntu to take a look. He installed on there in a flash! When I click, he obeys my every command! I have never owned a faster computer thanks to Ubuntu but with you the same machine just sits and spins...

Let's talk about reliability Microsoft! In all of the years I have been courted by that little penguin not once have I been infected with a virus! Not once have I ever lost data, nor made an innocent click that caused my computer to come crashing down! Tell me just how reliable have you been to me! Have you forgotten the times where I lost everything that I trusted to you because you came down with a virus? Or when you got mad cause Katie played with the keyboard and forced me to reinstall? How about all of those CDs you burned on one computer but refused to play after months of allowing them to work reliably - you KNEW those were my only copies! I had to ask Linux to get my data off - and he did without a single grumble! As young as Katie was I could let her play with Linux and Ubuntu without fear - they coddled her, they amused her - they educated her! They even educated me with some of the games they played and yet not once did they ask for a single penny - yes, it's the money thing again!

Let's talk about the money! I have spent hundreds - nay thousands of dollars supporting your software habit! Every time you introduce me to another version it costs at least a hundred dollars, and a lot of times more than that! When I want to try something new I have to spend hours looking for new programs - only to have to pay twenty here and fifty there - let's not forget when my house was broken into! I had all of the activation codes and none of the discs - all had been properly registered and each and every company refused to send me replacement discs unless I purchased ALL of that software over again!

That really damaged our relationship Microsoft! Add to that all of the times a simple upgrade left you accusing me of having a pirated copy of Windows, forcing me to call and beg you to allow me to use something I had legally purchased!

I thought I would be with you forever Microsoft, but I can't. I'm in love with Ubuntu now. Not only is he handsome and regularly updated, but he is a hard-working go-to-guy! He can do anything, play anything, convert anything - create anything I can even remotely desire and he does not ever ask me for a penny! He never catches viruses, and I never have to worry about him damaging my files. He plays well with others, even opening files that you created but no longer support - just what is up with that?

I'm done, Microsoft. I'm not upgrading to Windows 7. Don't bother sending your fanbois over here to bother me - I've found someone who satisfies me better than you, one who doesn't use me and drain me the way you have over the years.

Don't worry - I'm keeping my copy of XP around for a bit, and sometimes I turn on Vista for a laugh. My work is all done on Ubuntu however.

I'm sorry I had to tell you this way - but I couldn't get past the automation on your support line.

Your former lover,
Annie