Dear Mr. Google Boss, Please Hire Me!

Prior to my decision to harness the power of Internet Marketing, I described myself as relatively intelligent, an effective problem-solver, very creative, fast on the keyboard, and just a fun gal to be around.

After hours spent clicking and searching through numerous "how to" and "help" pages, community discussions and "go to" sites, I've decided Internet Marketing is not for the fainthearted. Nor is it for the technologically challenged and organizationally impaired. Nor for those who suffer from navigational dyslexia. And especially not for those who forget logic isn't seated in the right side of the brain but the other right.

In other words, folks who are just like me.

Mr. Google Boss, let me give you a quick example of how you will benefit by utilizing my talents along with those who, just like me, use the brand: "Techno-Idiot" (I know they exist, your search engine produced listings).

We could serve as test dummies prior to the Beta phase of new gadgets, services and upgrades (otherwise known as "techno-stuff").

By testing new techno-stuff before it appears live on You-Tube, we'll quickly tell you if promises to make some task easier and faster are valid. Here's a quick example to illustrate my point. The other day, when I was searching for myself on the Internet, I got lost. Then I became distracted by the ads for your blog publishing tool. The ads gave the impression I (as in anyone) can take a minute and create a blog in "three easy steps". Well, let's just say it took more than a minute to create and try to edit my first blog (as in post). And more than a minute to figure out why the photo I uploaded one day magically disappeared by the next day. But it sure didn't take me very long to discover there were many other things I haven't a clue how to do. However, I know the solutions to my problem exist within the multitude of resources you provide - I simply can't find them. Which leads me to another way you can benefit by using the talents of a techno-idiot.

Mr. Google Boss, we have a language differential problem that will not be solved by localizing content (as in transliteration).

With 20+ years at the computer, I am familiar with many software products (note, I said "familiar" not "competent"). Unfortunately, there are many terms I still don't comprehend. Sadly, when a techno-guru asks me how much memory I have, my immediate response is to describe the effects of menopause.

Although 80% of what I read in guidebooks, FAQ answers and Help pages are pretty easy to understand, it's the remaining 20% that causes me to hyperventilate and recall former times in my life when I was prone to panic attacks. Given my tendency to misinterpret what I read because I don't comprehend techno-speak, I could be invaluable to your organization as a "techno-idiot translator". I'd also be able to help you design the currently missing "what you need to know before you begin piece".

Or perhaps we could collaborate on an assessment quiz? The quiz could be taken in advance of starting anything having to do with a new product, gadget, widget or template. This would allow some of us to cut our losses (early in the game) and figure out how to buy, borrow, barter or beg for techno-talent. Then we could focus our energies where they belong - taking care of our businesses so we actually have businesses to market - instead of figuring out how much we have to lose by being lost in the Help section of your products.

I suspect, Mr. Google Boss, there are other small business owners who may likely agree with me. Especially during these tough times when every minute counts, the ability to get up to techno-speed (and actually know what you're doing with it once you're there) is a competitive advantage.

But please note, I'm not complaining. Nor am I picking on you personally as my letter could easily have been sent to the Mr./Ms. Boss of Yahoo, MySpace, Facebook and a whole bunch of nifty online places which have captured my attention and consumed far too much of my time these past few weeks. While I have trouble wrapping my brain around much of cyber-space and techno-stuff terms, I recognize the tremendous potential offered by Internet Marketing. Frankly, I think the new stuff that you, your competitors, affiliate friends and techno-fans put out to market is very cool. I love the "going green" initiatives (as in good for the environment), hold the techno-whiz kids in high esteem and wish I had the capacity to do more.

So hire me on a contract basis, Mr. Google Boss. I've spent so much time with your tools, products, services, help sites and discussion groups, I'm beginning to have that company feeling. And if a contract relationship is not possible, I'd like to talk to you about adoption. I make a great auntie. And I'll be your best friend.

Regards,
Clara, Queen of the Techno-Idiots