Dear Santa

It has been a long time since I have written you a letter. Time has raged by, it feels like, since those hopeful letters I would pen with child-like print. I am now a mother and wife and trying desperately to find some of that Christmas magic within myself to pass on to my loved ones.

My children have so much more than I ever did as a child and I'm not exactly sure that is the best thing. They can't appreciate things the way that I did. Nothing has that magical quality about it. I feel like my efforts become futile.

The world has changed so much from when I was a child, hoping with all my heart for that one special present to appear underneath of my beautiful Christmas tree.

I remember listening for sleigh bells and just knowing that I heard them as the reindeer flew by outside of my bedroom window. I would feel utter delight and unwavering excitement as I tried desperately to fall asleep so that morning would come quickly.

Is it that the times have changed so much or because I am now all grown up?

And yet, when I think about the magic that was my world as a child, the hope, the innocence, the magic and the purity, it is a safe place that exists within my heart and my soul. How could I not want to pass that on to my children? Or to anyone I possibly could, for even a day or a simple, but profound moment?

I miss my family, Santa - the way they were when I was looking up at them from three feet high with awe. I miss my grandmother most of all. I miss feeling connected and a sense of belonging that can only be found when you are encircled by the love of those who share your roots. It is far deeper and more complex than can ever truly be expressed. It is home. The home of your youth, your memories and your foundation.

Sometimes, Santa, I just want to go home to that place. And yet it no longer exists, because it was a chunk of time, a fleeting collection of moments strung together with childhood laughter and tied up in a bow of the sweetest love imaginable.

This year, my dearest ideal, please manifest yourself within my heart, so that I may spread your magic with a light heart and a contentedness that expresses itself in all that I do. A joyfulness that spreads and a thousand miracles for those in need.

Let me remember with vivid clarity, so that I may give my children the greatest Christmas presents of all - faith, love and hope.

I love you, Santa.

Love, Tracy