Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know I am 47 and really shouldn't be bothering you at this busy time of year. I am writing early in hopes that it won't interfere with the precious letters of the young ones.

I am not sure if you keep track of the old as much as the young, but my Mom passed away this year. This will be my first Christmas without her. I am afraid. I am afraid the spirit of Christmas that held the whole family together may be gone. I am afraid that I have lost the wonder that makes it such a special time of year. I am afraid that instead of sharing the love of joy of Christmas I will be overcome with a deep sense of sadness and loss and I will pass that on.

So, Santa, I need the spirit of Christmas. I need that spark that Mom always had. I need to feel the excitement she did as she wrapped presents, made gifts, cooked goodies and held the whole family family together. I don't need to be in charge, my perfectionist sister, will be great at that job, but she won't do it with the same twinkle. Santa, I need that twinkle and I need it early! I need to be a Christmas Elf.

I need to be reminded everyday that the only hands my Mom has on earth are mine. I refuse to make the cranberry dressing stuff that we all hated, but I so want to do everything else so that her traditions and love for the season are not lost. (I bet I just got one more mark on the naughty list.)

And Santa, my Dad has done a great job of helping every year and there is a hole in heart (much like the Grinch) that we have never witnessed before. Please send him some heart putty or something to patch things up, if just for a few days, so we can see him smile again. Mom would want him to be happy and involved. That isn't happening yet.

I am sitting here at my computer with a box of tissues and enough tears to fill a bucket. Eventually you would think that the tears would dry up. I am afraid to tell any sane people that I am writing a letter to Santa. It may be just the thing they need to move me to that big hospital for those who have lost touch with reality! But my feelings are real.

So Santa, it is a big list and one that I don't deserve. But, if I send some of my Mom's pink popcorn (we all liked that) do you think that maybe, somehow, you can help with the twinkle? And I am not sure that all the tears have dried up so it would be swell if you could put some tissues in my stocking. There is always plenty of room as my husband really doesn't get the whole Christmas thing.

Thanks Santa,

Trenna Sue