Death as a Unifying Force

My father and I disagreed on everything all along - or rather when I was willing to compromise, he wasn't. For a person as stubborn as this, I was sad to say the only equalizing factor was death. And so I resigned myself to this years ago: only upon death's stage would we be able to agree finally. Then...

A few weeks back I had a dream that I was speaking with my father for the first time as an equal, and it was a really pleasant exchange. We were speaking as equals, and he was telling me to take good care of myself. He really meant it. Upon awakening, I knew right away THAT was my signal. I booked a ticket home ASAP. Arrived at the airport, got my luggage and rental car and drove straight to the hospital.

When I arrived at the hospital, his chest was all stiffened up with pulmonary fibrosis, and the breathing monitor was going off continually. Basically he was slowly suffocating, not getting enough air into his lungs to feed his body. I massaged his chest and arms and head, told him I loved him. He could only speak then in short gasps, so we could only speak together for a short while without exhausting him. I held his hand, he closed his eyes to rest a while.

I closed my eyes to pray, and fell into the edge-world. I saw my old spirit guide (a personal version of the Goddess Guan-Yin) whom I hadn't seen in years. I asked her if she would take care of my father, and she said she was there for just that reason. My father's ancestors were there, the gatekeeper guardians to the other world were there, and there were some others as witnesses, too.

I opened my eyes and looked into his and saw that he finally understood everything. All I saw was his love, his love for the beautiful life he had had, in spite of all his hardships and our endless disagreements.

I felt a lightening of spirit, he closed his eyes, and I told him to be brave, be brave...

He closed his eyes and his breathing slowed, stopped, and I saw the small pattering of his heart under his chest come to rest. He went home.

Of course I cried at his loss, but then I was so very happy for him.

Just as death is considered by many as a destructive force, so too, can it be a unifying force - a mystery of the world in which we live.

Now I feel my father everywhere, more than ever.

Most of all that I feel: love.