Death, Dying and Dealing with a Loved One that Will Be Deeply Missed

We have become accustomed to seeing events unfold right before our eyes where someone is shot, hit by a car, involved in an accident or succumbs to death as a result of injuries sustained, disease or natural causes. All to often this is depicted on the news or on TV shows and movies. To us this is just a part of life that, adds to the ratings of the particular television series and increases revenue for corporate investors. When we are exposed to this sad, challenging and difficult scenario regarding death and having this story unfold on the numerous news channels each day, we feel for these people who lost someone that they knew, loved and will miss deeply, and to an extent, we are saddened temporarily while in the backs of our minds we may be thinking what if...??? Or that could have been a family member of mine! or what would I have done if I were in their shoes? At the end of it all, we simply pass this event off and continue on our rounds that are part of daily life... picking up a child at soccer practice, grocery shopping or we look forward to the other news stories, weather and sports scores that are addressed in the news.

And then the death and dying nightmare hits home! Panic, loneliness, desperation, sorrow, sadness, anger, fear, religious tension and a search for answers, prayers and resolution begins to unfold. What am I going to do?, how can I go on? Why did this happen to me? Why did this happen to him/her? and other questions begin spinning in the backs of our minds as we try to make sense of it all. We try to compute and make some sense of this devastating mass of information, at the same time trying to focus our emotions and get them in order, ultimately enabling us to seek solitude and a better place to ensure our health, safety and happiness in the future.

Age can be a big part of how a particular person deals with death of a loved one. Young children may not display the same feelings and actions that a teen or adult might. Confusion over the death process and all that death entails has a bearing on the minds and actions carried out and displayed by children. The closeness of the departed member with the person(s) effected will also demonstrate the amount and severity of the sorrowness and complexity.

The initial shock attributed to the realization that you have lost a loved one, can be so devastating and succumb you almost into a state of paralysis. Your though process is hazy at best, leaving you to try and communicate with your inner thoughts, trying to assess this feeling of sorrow and heavy heart and wondering if you will find a sense of closure in the end of this. Your comfortable environment has been torn apart as you feel like a fish out of water, not knowing what to do and how to deal with all the emotions and disarray. Dealing with having someone or something taken from us is always hard to do and their is really no etched in stone formula to make this scenario go away or become easier.

I recently had a love one die, my Uncle Mike, who I was close to, loved very much and still miss to this day, even though my Aunt and Uncle lived over 2000 miles from me. This was not the only occurrence regarding my experience with the death of a family member. I have had the unfortunate event of loosing two grandfathers and two grandmothers in fairly recent times. It Continued to be a tough time for me and more so for my Aunt. Handling this process of death is always the same yet truly unique each time.

One of the hardest things for me to do and probably the most beautiful thing I have had the opportunity to do as well, was to give a reading at the Church ceremony and dedicate a speech about my thoughts and what my Uncle meant to me, to myself, my Uncle and Aunt Jeanne. Tears, sorrow, joy and the ability to put my Uncle's life in order while reflecting on life with my Uncle Mike from my perspective and what that meant to me were able to be addressed. This allowed me to relay to my Aunt, and myself, how wonderful it was to have the honor of having him in my life and what he meant to my life since I was very young. A sense of closure, pride, gratitude and solice were able to be brought out, at least temporarily. Certainly, this was a very difficult thing to have to do as a couple times, I had to stop and try to regroup before paying homage to my Uncle once again. Knowing that he was there in spirit and I was able to talk about him and to him allowed me to be comforted in some way and a feeling of happiness in my heart.

Time represents the best answer, tonic or wonder drug affording us the ability to cleanse our sole, offer us solitude and be mindful as to what has happened, make sense of it all and enable us to move on knowing that the loved one is in a happier place and is still with us in spirit! Our time on Earth with this very special person or loved one should never be forgotten but used to cheer us up in times of need reflecting on the good times shared and reminisced through time. In regards to my family members that I have lost, I know they will not be forgotten and their presence in my life will be treasures and instilled in my heart for ever. Like a Kodak moment these images will be etched in my heart and my brain and remain priceless.

I wish that things could go back to the way they used to be and have them back in my life. I have prayed numerous times and have wished that they could still be alive. Having children become part of my life as well as a new relationship, I sometimes feel that my prayers have been unanswered due to the fact that these special people in my life are gone now and the reasons why still exist somewhere out there. I then realize that one of God's greatest gifts that are all to often taken for granted, is the fact that I had the ability, fortune and privilege to have them in my life and have had wonderful memories to cherish now and for years to come.

Just as life is like a river, carrying you along life's journey, not really knowing what is in store for you, strength, family and religion will be your guide down this river till the river runs dry and your time on the great ball ends . Life constantly changing as it flows dealing you with tranquil and beautiful times and rough waters as well with obstacles that need to be dealt with at any give time. Like the famous movie "Forrest Gump" their is but one unique saying that puts the exclamation point on life and that "life is like a box of chocolate...you never know what you will get"! How true is this? Think about it, we go through life not knowing what is in store for us. Garth Brook's song "The Dance" sums up this whole article on death and dying to me in this way. Life is the dance and when we are born, we are in essence invited to this dance of life. While we experience this dance in life scenario, we will go through varying emotions that coincide with the myriad of events that will be unique and feature a mixture of good times and bad. How we deal with these events, feelings and issues are going to be different for each and everyone of us. Finding solice, a better place and way to cope with life's sorrow is not an easy thing to deal with, however, with the strength and courage, knowing that our loved one is not suffering any more and we have had the pleasure of knowing this person and spending valuable time with these special persons in our life, should make this unhappy time better to deal with. These special times and emotions in having these people as part of your life makes this dance all the more worth it as without being invited to this dance, we would not have had the ability and fortune of meeting all the many important and special people in our lives. Life is truly a mystery filled with uncertainty, though we have the upper hand in spending quality time with people we love through this thing called life. What we get out of this thing called life and death is what it is all about. The fact that the fun and special times spent with this person or people in the short period of time here on this earth were able to be shared and experienced should help to offer solitude. Treasured times should help us to bring back and be reminded and relive the past experiences and good times with these departed members while helping us to move forward in life. Being able to give thanks that we were fortunate enough not to have missed dancing with these special people along our life's journey will only help to put a smile on our face and those who are dear to us, who will be missed but not forgotten.

Thanks for the memories, too bad we couldn't have one more dance as the ball ended too soon...