Death & Dying: Be Prepared

Most people don't like to think about the subject but we are all going to die. Some sooner, some later. Having lost my Dad, then my Aunt, then my Mom and almost losing my Sister I've been dealing with death almost non stop in recent months. As Executrix , I was responsible for making a lot of tough decisions at a time when I was emotionally in the worst possible condition to do so.

My Father actually tried to talk to me many times about what to do when he died. He would show me drawers where he kept important papers and I would just tune out. When he died I was a mess but I had to plod on and try to do the right thing. Luckily my daughter in law was and is extremely efficient and she stepped in and helped me enormously. We had to go through those drawers and there were tons of insurance policies to check out, people to notify, things to be cancelled .As far as his remains I knew he wanted to be cremated but that's it. There was a will and I had lawyers and financial advisors to help with this but it still left a lot of decisions. My daughter in law created a huge file with all important subjects seperated and labelled so when I neede to look up some information or contact someone it was all there for me.

After experiencing that I went into my own things and got everything set up. I took a leather bound book and recorded every important piece of information I could think of. . I listed where my bank accounts were, who my investments were with, where the safety deposit box was and where I kept the key. I made a list of everything it cost to run my home. This list included all the companies, PSEG, water, whatever , the account numbers and any other pertinant information about them. There was a list of what magazines I had subscriptions to. Any insurance companies were listed. Again, all this included account information. Credit cards were listed. As these change over the years I try to update them regularly. I do not want my kids to be ovewhelmed with what to do and who to contact the way I was. I have been cleaning and purging since then. Old pictures have names on the back and dates. I had no idea who half the people in pictures that I found when going through my Dad's things. I bought a mesh crate at Staples and created files.

When my Dad died it was somewhat unexpected since he was in hospital and appeared to be getting bettter. He left my invalid Mother and now I was in charge of her health care. I had no idea what kind of insurance she had and had to do all kinds of detective work to get her information . I knew her physician so that helped. We had Home Health Aides and they started claiming my Dad had been paying for all kinds of nonsense for them. I went through the check books and straightened some of that out but he had done some things out of pocket. Hopefully, this won't be one of your issues. Keep gd records of everything

If your loved one had a safety deposit box it has would be in your best interest to empty it before a death is filed . You need to have your name on the box so you have access and you should have a next of kin on your safety deposit box.

When you go to the Funeral Home you will be having to make decisions again. In our family its the same decision for all os us, we all get cremated and we will provide our own urns. In that sort of case you are given either a tin or card board container with the ashes. If you or your loved ones plan on being interred pick out or discuss a casket now. Death Certificates are another item. You don't need as many as are usually suggested and you can always get more as needed. Some people will want to make arrangements as to what they want to be clothed in. The more decisions you can make now the better. Have someone go with you. You will need copies of your papers saying you are Executrix.

My Aunt died next. This was suddenly, in a horrible motor vehicle accident. Again, I was Executrix as she had no surviving children and we were very close. I had to put her house on the market. I had to make arranagements to sell or donate her furniture, her clothing, everything that comes in a home. Luckily, she was very organized, we had been working on that since her husband had died recently. She had all her taxes, car titles, any her important information pretty much covered. Oddly enough though when going through her things I found her name and her husband's names had been changed and I never knew. If there are things you don't want people to know be sure to get rid of the information now. This applies to anything you might want to keep under wraps, funny underwear, odd letters whatever.

My Aunt had a cat. Keep in mind if you have a pet you should have someone who will take the pet. In this case, her brother who inherited everything took her cat. Unfortunately, his apartment caught fire, the cat went to a Shelter and I had to relocate the cat. My daughter was happy to take it and we flew it down to Florida. So , you might even want a back up for your pets if something should happen to you and a back up for that person. Many places that adopt out animals insist on this now.

My Mom died next. This was at home and suddenly though she'd been very ill for a long time. Police had to be called in this situation and a funeral home notified since she was in a different state we had to scramble. If someone you love is in a different state and you want the funeral in their home area you may have to fly the body back. airlines wll walk you through this process. When the police came we needed to know approximate time of death and we needed to give them all her medications. Both my parents had wills so all that was handled by lawyers. This time again there was a home to dispose of. This meant emptying another home.

If you have to empty a home in its entirety it's good to find churches to donate to. You can also call Salvation Army or the Viet Nam Vets. If there are valuable pieces of furniture as there were in my Aunt's and Mom's home you can find antique dealers. I had two friends who dealt in antiques and they purchased a lot of the furniture. In my Aunts' case I had to have an appraiser come in to establish the value of the items first. It turned out she had some valuable prints that were in the dispose of pile. Clothing in all these cases was donated. Jewelry was put in my safety deposit box and will be distributed to grandchildren when the time comes.When donating clothing check all pockets first. The same goes for purses and wallets. Check closets, high shelves and any other hidey holes in the homes. I found some incredible crystal items tucked way back in a linen closet.

A few months later, my sister seized and ended up in the ICU shortly after my Mom died. I had to sell and empty her place , a townhouse in Miami. She wasn't capable of handling her affairs after she came out of the hospital so I took that over. She is now set up and is healthier and handling her own finances and we now have her townhouse sold. We emptied her place using the same system of donating and dealers and she now has all her papers in order.

You never know when something will happen to you. No one has a contract as to when they will "go" but rather than leave a complicated mess it's a good idea to get your affairs in order , your will written and your information available and organized so that you can have peace of mind and anyone who has to deal with your estate can do it properly. Assign an executor/executrix, make your decisions known. Be prepared.