Death and Grief: How to Prepare Your Children

Talking about death with young children, especially those at a kindergarten age can be very difficult for you. Many parents make the mistake of shielding or sheltering their children from death, but this can cause a child to be scared or confused by the entire situation, especially those children at a kindergarten age. By opening the lines of communication you can show your child that although death is not a joyous event it is part of the natural order, part of life.

Even at the kindergarten age, when children are usually 5-6 years old, they have begun to notice death in many ways such as the dying of flowers and the changes of the seasons. Children are also exposed to death on the television and through video games. but these things or images may give your child a misconception of what death and grieving really is. By talking with your child you can learn what their fears are, what their conceptions or misconceptions are and how they feel about it. Allowing your young children to talk about death will help to prepare them for situations that will inevitably happen sometime in their life.

While many of us tend to shut out things that make us uncomfortable or bring us sadness if a child comes to talk with you about death make sure to treat that as an opportunity to discuss the topic with them. Let them ask questions and although you may not have all the answers as to why something dies or what happens after death you can help your child to understand that death is final and that the person or being that has died will not be coming back. Many children around the kindergarten age do not realize that death means the end of life. They may associate death with an object such as a skeleton, angel or monster. These images can cause stress, uneasiness and even nightmares for a child.

A way to teach your child about death is by experiencing this situation first hand. Personally I suggest buying a goldfish at the store. By allowing your child to pick out the fish, bring it home and care for it such as it's food and the care of the tank your child will develop feelings for the fish. Since goldfish have a very short life span it will likely die in a few weeks. Allowing your child to see the dead fish and then preforming some type of funeral or final resting place will allow the child to experience death on a smaller scale and associate death as being a final ending. Although this is a small scaled experience, it will open the doors for your child to learn, experience and then ask questions about what happened.

The worse time to discuss death and grieving with a kindergarten aged child is when you, yourself are grieving. Children can sense a parent's emotions or feelings and this could frighten them. If you have a loved one that is dying it is crucial to discuss the effects that the person's death will have on you and your child. Preparing a child is very important for them an allows them to understand what is happening before it actual happens. This will help give your child the skills he needs to deal with what is part of the natural order of things, death.