Death Penalty Satire
Does the death penalty really reduce the murder rate? If you do some Googling you can find studies that claim it does and studies that claim it doesn't.
I hate it when that happens! Somebody is lying! So how can we clear up the issue?
One way is to put yourself in the murderer's shoes. Pretend you are a serial murderer. Which state would you rather reside in? One that has a death penalty or one that does not?
Gee that's a tough one. Some studies say the death penalty won't significantly deter you from committing murders. Those same studies claim that murder rates are lower in states without the death penalty.
That means, if you are an axe murderer, or an inbred chainsaw massacre-er, you will hack up fewer people if you move to a non-death-penalty state. Good to know!
If eliminating the death penalty reduces the murder rate, why not reduce all other penalties for all other crimes? The crime rate will surely drop like a stone on Bubba's inbred toe.
Imagine crimes like theft, rape and arson becoming things of the past. All we need to do is to give prisoners more cable T.V. and conjugal visits. And don't keep them in that stuffy prison too long.
One thing that bothers me though: why doesn't the Mob eliminate its death penalty? Haven't they read the latest studies? Don't they know that rubbing out Vinnie for double-crossing the family won't significantly deter future double-crosses?
These are the kinds of questions that pop into my head, and there are probably some of you who would like to pop a bullet into my head. Let's assume that is the case. Back to the original question:
Given your proclivity towards murder, which state would you rather reside in--a death-penalty state or a non-death-penalty state?
I think your answer will clear up the controversy significantly.
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3 Comments
Post a CommentBubba's inbred toe, lol, this piece is classic Pinn at his finest.
Only you can take a topic like DP and make it funny! Just goes to show I have a twisted sense of humor too!
If eliminating the death penalty reduces the murder rate, why not reduce all other penalties for all other crimes? The crime rate will surely drop like a stone on Bubba's inbred toe.
lol. I love it. Id say bring back some of those mideval torture devices, and we'd see it drastically reduce. Yah know... lose a hand for stealin... or stretch the body out with horses running in the opposite direction. Or, like Vlad, we could impale the bastards. Thatll teach em. ; )