Death of a Spouse and the Development of the Ghost Triangle

For couples who are involved in a second marriage or new relationship, the dynamics of the relationship can often be strained by the presence, or lack in presence, of the prior spouse. For a widow or widower, engaging in a new relationship or even a marriage can often be conflicted by feelings of guilt, loss or loyalty toward the prior spouse. These emotions, unfortunately, can impede upon the development and growth of a second relationship.

Commonly referred to as the Ghost Triangle, it is not uncommon for a widow or widower to feel a sense of loyalty toward their deceased spouse. When forging ahead into a new relationship, these feelings of loyalty often impose some degree of frustration within the new partner. As a result, many marriage counseling or couples counseling specialists find they are facing therapy in an effort to resolve this Ghost Triangle development.

Often, the Ghost Triangle develops when the widow, or widower, finds they have retreated and have not processed through the normal stages of grieving. In an effort to resolve complicated grieving processes, the therapist often will encourage the widower, or widow, to recount memories of the deceased spouse, apply new meaning to those memories, and the move forward with a new life. Oftentimes, this process in grieving needs to be done without the interference of a new partner or relationship.

In addition to recounting memories and applying new meaning, the grief counselor may also provide guidance to the widow or widower in the process of identity and continuity. Encouraging loyalty and memory retrieval, often, provides for some continued attachment to the deceased spouse. This continued attachment is important as it provides the widow or widower with some form of continuity to their life and aides in applying meaning to the years spent in that relationship.

Once the grieving process can be placed into perspective, it is at that time that may widows or widowers are then able to place their hearts into the hands of a new partner. When engaging in a relationship with someone new, grief counselors or relationship counselors should be closely involved so as to guide the relationship through the acceptance of the Ghost Triangle. Since the memory of the prior spouse is not one that will be lost to eternity, both individuals in the relationship must learn to accept the memory of the deceased as part of their relationship and create a sort of triad approach to their love.

Death of a spouse is a tragic even that, ultimately, every couple must face at some point. For those individuals who plan to develop new relationships after the loss of a spouse, the use of counseling professionals, who specialize in Ghost Triangle counseling, may be important individuals in the process. Working to ensure new relationships incorporate the memories of the deceased spouse, is important to the physical and emotional health of the two individuals involved in the new relationship.