Deathstalker: Futile Fantasy

Deathstalker is an example of poor filmmaking. The movie shamelessly caters to its target audience of Dungeons and Dragons nerds who get off on watching sword-wielding females get naked. With an indecipherable plot, horrible acting, and dubious production values, Deathstalker is a film screaming out to be made fun of.

The film takes place in some time or place where there are swords. It isn't clear if it takes place on earth, or even in medieval times, but the basic elements are there. Deathstalker is a massive chunk of beef and teased-out 1980s frizz played by the oafish Rick Hill. Though bulging with muscles and adept with a sword, Deathstalker is not exactly a chivalrous knight. He's an outlaw who saves damsels in distress solely for the purpose of groping them after removing the initial competition. Running across a hag in a hut, he discovers that there are three sources of power in the land. One is given to Deathstalker, the other two are held by an evil lord of a distant land. If all three of the powers are united, then the bearer will get absolute power or something along those lines.

Deathstalker is rather short on plot. The information that is presented to the viewer is shoddy at best and takes second place to the fight scenes and absolutely gratuitous nudity. The film is pure exploitation of the female stars and extras. A hooded figure in the forest clashes with one of the male leads and her gender is revealed when she flings back her cloak and reveals her tied-up breasts. A violent orgy of halfhearted fighting and keen molestation/rape takes place at the palace of the evil lord for no particular purpose other than to show plenty of breasts and buttocks. Hardly a minute goes by when the viewer isn't treated to a bare-chested lady, even though Deathstalker remains fully clothed for almost the entire film.

The acting is horrendous. Hill is hardly a thespian, and his futile acting talent merely punctuates his lunkheaded frame. His lines are grumbled and groaned, without a hint of the correct emotion for the context. The supporting cast is a mix of tired clichés and weak characterizations. There's the comic relief dude, the wisecracking sidekick who is a tad too British, and the fighting beauty who's as good at flashing as she is at swordplay. The monsters are laughable, hardly more than tall men wearing ill-fitted masks.

There are barely any redeeming qualities about Deathstalker, unless you count the fact that it is unwittingly hilarious. Though it has plenty of skin and hard bodies, one would be better off simply downloading porn than watching this rubbish.