Deciding Between an Open or Closed Adoption

Choosing to adopt a child is a big step. There are many things you need to consider before moving forward with the adoption process. One of the biggest choices you need to consider involves the type of adoption. Do you want the birth parents involved, by opting to have an open adoption? Do you prefer to have your soon-to-be child to know only you as their parent(s), by opting to have a closed adoption? Before you can make the decision between and open and closed adoption, you should understand what each form of adoption involves.

An open adoption is very beneficial to older children. When I was adopted, it was initially an open adoption. It worked well, because I was already five years old and was able to keep ties with my birth mother. A few years after being adopted, my adoptive parents chose to cut ties with my birth mother and this was probably not a good idea.

An open adoption can help older children feel less hurt and abandonment. By having an open adoption, the child is able to understand why his or her birth parent(s) could not keep them. An open adoption can help the child understand exactly where his/her traits came from. This is very beneficial during the adolescent years, as children begin to explore their roots. An open adoption can help lessen the need for a child to search for his or her birth parents and can give adopted children more support.

An open adoption can become a problem. There are downsides with having an open adoption. The adoptive parents may be apprehensive to having an open adoption out of fear the birth mother will change her mind and try to regain custody of the child. There is also the fear that the birth mother will create an unstable environment for the child, by remaining absent from contact with the child and adoptive family. Another problem which may arise is the potential for the child to play his or her adoptive parents against the birth mother. Also, a child might have stronger feelings of rejection when it comes to having an open adoption.

A closed adoption sometimes works better for families who have chosen to adopt a baby or adopt internationally. Closed adoptions are becoming seemingly rare in the present. There are benefits to having a closed adoption. By having a closed adoption, it can eliminate the potential for an unstable or emotionally disturbed environment, which may be created by the birth mother. Another benefit of having a closed adoption is the lack of interference in the way the adoptive parents have chosen to parent the child. Having a closed adoption also gives birth parents a sense of closure and more privacy during the process.

As with open adoptions, closed adoptions do have downsides. Adopted children become curious about their identity, which can bring on negative thoughts. They may wonder who they look like and why they do not look like their adoptive family, especially if they have never been told they were adopted. Adopted children may become preoccupied with various adoption issues and this can bring on feelings of confusion, when a closed adoption has been chosen.

Another issue with having a closed adoption is the lack of information pertinent to medical information about the birth family. Parents who choose to have a closed adoption may have an increased sense of fear of the birth parents. This was one of the biggest issues my adoptive parents had about my birth family which led to them choosing to cut-off all contact with my birth family. A closed adoption can also lead adoptive children to believing something bad about their birth mother, rather than learn the whole truth about why they were adopted.

With the above discussion about the pros and cons of both open and closed adoptions, you must be able to answer the following questions to determine if an open or closed adoption is right for you. These questions, although not an exhaustive list, can help you determine the needs of your adopted child.

1. How flexible do I want to be with contact with the birth family?

2. Is my child's age a factor in determining if contact with the birth family would be positive?

3. How will other adoptive siblings feel about having this type of openness?

4. Can we commit 100% to having an open adoption? If not, a closed adoption might be the better option.

Whether you choose to have an open adoption or a closed adoption is up to you. Remember to keep the child's best interest in mind, when making the choice. Making the transition as smooth as possible should be a priority. If your child is order, I would highly recommend you to consider having an open adoption. Hopefully, this article has been of much help in making your decision.