Decisions - Your Relationship and Your Partner

Everyday we are making decisions about our relationships. Some decisions are subconscious, while others stand out in the forefront of our minds. Decisions such as getting into a relationship or leaving one, allowing someone to be your confidante, or treating him or her as just a friend are the most common.

Every relationship you engage in has the potential to teach you deeply about yourself. You may decide to seek out a relationship because you are intrigued by the other person, yet you find you discover far more about your relationship with yourself. The cliché is that each person comes into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Understanding that will allow you to accept the lessons of every relationship for what they are, preparing you for the one relationship that is meant to last a lifetime.

You cannot change them. No matter how much you love someone, you cannot change him or her. They must be willing to change for you, out of love and not because you want them to. It does not matter if it is drinking, drugs, smoking, etc. Whatever the problem, they must be willing to change. If there is some aspect of their life that is incompatible with your relationship, then they must change that aspect themselves, not because you want it. Waiting around for them to make that choice is not a good decision for you.

Do not drive them away. Sometimes a person will start to fear the loss of their relationship and exhibit jealous tendencies. They start to question what you were doing, why you were smiling at this person or that person. Remember that trying to prevent losing your partner by putting them in a box will eventually drive them away. Trust is a big factor.

Paybacks are hell. Consideration is a big factor as well. If your partner does not show you consideration in the most minute of matters, you might want to decide if that is acceptable to you. If it is not, paying your partner back in a like manner will not help your relationship. Chances are, if they are inconsiderate enough to act in a manner you would not appreciate, reciprocating that would most likely have no affect.

If you do not have anything nice to say....Then why are you in the relationship? Most times when someone cuts their partner down, it is a sign that they have an inferiority complex. They feel less than their partner does. If you feel the need to insult your partner to your friends, it might be time to examine your own feelings towards your partner. Remember, negativity breeds negativity and if you are just speaking out of anger, then it will affect your relationship.

Silent Treatment. If you have difficulty talking to your partner, write a letter. Most times, you can more easily write your thoughts and feelings down rather than express them verbally. If your partner does not respond to your letter, what are you still doing in the relationship? Make every effort to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your partner if you wish the relationship to work. This passive form of communication tends to strengthen a relationship and allows both parties a glimpse of the thoughts and feelings of their partner.

Open Relationships. This truly is an oxymoron. Either you have a relationship, or you do not. No one wants to be jealous or enjoys it when they are. Remember, while one partner is having all the fun, there is one who suffers in silence because they do not want to end the relationship. The truth is there is no relationship unless both partners focus on each other. That laughter, flirtation, and fun can be found between each other without the need for third parties to be involved.

It has expired. Falling in love with someone does not mean that you will be together forever. Many times, people get themselves into a relationship because they love that person, but in the end, the relationship does not have the qualities to last. If the relationship is over, then make the decision to get out. If the thought of waking up next to that person for the next 40 years fills you with dread, hit the road. If that person cannot be there for you in the way you want, then you are wasting valuable time and energy, not to mention feelings that should be reserved for someone that will be there in the long term.

Silent Love. Do not take someone else for granted. It is the quickest way to make them regret having got involved with you. While a relationship takes work, it should never be a chore to acquire your partner's attention and affection; everyone gets tired at some point. If your partner does not express his or her love for you, then you need to make a decision on if this is the relationship for you.

These are simple items to consider, yet so very important to a long lasting and healthy relationship. If you have been victim to making bad relationship decisions, maybe now is the time to take each of the points and seriously consider whether you follow them. Remember, if we do not learn from the past, we are doomed to repeat it.