Deck 'Em All - Rhyming Blahs from Mrs. Claus

(This fractured Christmas carol may be sung to the tune of the familiar traditional holiday song, "Deck the Halls.")

Deck the mall's imposter Santa.
Fa la la la la la la la la la.
We just heard, he's from Atlanta.
Fa la la la la la la la la la.

Though he's dressed like a red jester,
Fa la la la la la la la la la.
He did time as a molester.
Fa la la la la la la la la la.

Call the cops out to arrest him.
Fa la la la la la la la la la.
Fingerprint and then drug-test him.
Fa la la la la la la la la la.

Keep the children safe and happy.
Fa la la la la la la la la la.
C'mon folks, let's make it snappy.
Fa la la la la la la la la la.

Tell the kids that's not my honey.
Fa la la la la la la la la la.
That one's just there for the money.
Fa la la la la la la la la la.

Santa's in his workshop, busy,
Fa la la la la la la la la la.
Fake ones have me in a tizzy.
Fa la la la la la la la la la.
Fa la la la la la la la la la.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This fractured Christmas carol is actually based on a true story.

When my children were young enough to visit Santa at the local shopping mall, we would stand in line for hours. When it was our turn, my kids would climb up into Santa's lap to talk with him and pose for the elf's camera. They would cry, grimace or smile, depending on their age.

One December, a day or two after we visited the mall, we read a most disturbing account in the newspaper. One of the hired Santas at the mall had been arrested for groping a child. To this day, we do not know if this was the Santa we saw. Pretty scary, huh?