Deconstructing Cultural Definitions of Home

What defines a home? Is it our culture? Is it the people we surround ourselves with? Is it the place we are most familiar with? Or, is it all of these things in combination? Defining "home" is certainly a personal choice, that would vary from person to person, but in my years teaching ESL, traveling and moving around, I began to find certain similarities in people's responses to the idea of home.

People were definitely a top answer. It seems if surrounded by loved ones, people tend to feel at home anywhere. However, after further probing this idea, many people noted that the lack of loved ones can make one feel "not at home" whereas the presence of loved ones didn't necessarily create the home. For example, back in college, a friend of mine grew up on Long Island. Midway through freshman year his parents moved to Colorado. He claimed he no longer felt at home on Long Island, but never felt at home in Colorado.

After having countless discussions with my students on ideas of home, I have come to believe that culture is one of the biggest definers of a home. Many of my students come here with the "American Dream." When asked on their first day of classes if they want to live here, they all say, "yes!!!" After a few weeks many of them can't wait to go back home. All of them who change their mind all said that the cultural differences are so great, adapting seems impossible. What's interesting is that most the cultural differences that they complain about, between the United States and their countries, are seemingly so small at first. Things like shaking hands verses the European kiss for a greeting, or eating dinner at 5pm as opposed to 8pm all combine to create a cultural difference so great, many of my students claim that they could never call America, "home."

Another Aspect of home is familiarity. How familiar is the person with the territory, customs, smells and look of a place? That can add to a feeling of home. Many of my students from larger cities in Asia, claim that New York City offers them some familiarity, and they feel at home because of that. On the contrary many of my European students aren't so accustomed to the skyscrapers, and feel less at home wandering the streets of Manhattan.

Some people find it difficult to find one home, while others have many homes. People who've lived abroad (often staying with host families) claim they have their real home and their home abroad. They make personal connections, acquire new cultures and ultimately feel at home in both locations. College students often have two homes. I will always feel at home in my native New York, and current locale, but after four years of college and one year of work in Boston, I feel at home when I return to Boston. One thing I've noticed though is that my feelings of home in Boston are slowly fading. Friends have moved away, and memories are becoming dim. I had to think for a minute about how to navigate the Boston T (subway) and I am down to just two or three contacts. Over time, I can imagine that I might lose the feeling of home.

As I prepare to depart for the Peace Corps in Africa, I am constantly confronted with notions of home. Many volunteers already in my country of service are anxious about coming back to the US. They feel so at home in Africa after two years of service, that their native US feels like a foreign land.

Many of these ideas are explored in literature, film and stage. The German film Nowhere in Africa (Nirgendwo in Afrika) explores cultural ideas of home as we watch German-Jewish refugees find safety in Kenya. After years of making a new home, they return to Germany, where the family is divided on their feelings of which country is truly home.

Barbara Kingslover's bestselling novel The Poisonwood Bible is about a family of missionaries from Georgia who depart for one year in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The story spans three decades and chronicles the lives of the five women in the family. One finds solace in the new home, others long for their old life, while one struggles throughout to find a home.

Though the question can never be answered as an absolute, it is a question that confronts us more and more as immigration numbers increase, Americans become more nomadic for many reasons and family relationships adjust to changes in times.