Defusing a Toddler Tantrum

As all moms of toddlers know, tantrums are inevitable. There will always be tantrums as long as there are toddlers. This is just a given. But how do we moms defuse a toddler tantrum? First let's look at why a toddler will throw a tantrum.

Toddlers throw tantrums for numerous reasons throughout the day. My youngest is currently able to produce about four to five tantrums a day with at least one before lunchtime. One of the main reasons for a toddler tantrum is that they want something and can no express it clearly to you or you will not give it to them. For example, your child wants a cracker but all you hear is "Eat! Eat! EAT!!". You ask them what they want to eat and yet you still only get "EAT! EAT! EAT!" only at a louder volume. Then here comes the tantrum. What's a mom to do?

Now for the tantrums that involve you not giving your toddler something. Let's say that your little girl has grabbed your brand new $12 tube of lipstick and is trying to apply it to her own lips. Well of course you aren't going to want that to happen so you quickly take the lipstick back. The next thing you know you have a screaming toddler laying on the floor kicking and yelling "BACK! BACK! BACK!".

For a toddler, throwing a tantrum is the only way they know to use when expressing their anger and frustration. To them a tantrum seems like the best way to express themselves. I'm sure that all of you out there have wanted to hit and scream at one point or another out of sheer frustration. I know I have. But since we adults we, or most of us, know how to control ourselves. We have learned through the years to behave appropriately. For a toddler though, they haven't learned and really don't have the capabilities to control themselves. Therefore, we see the dreaded tantrum.

There are many ways to diffuse a toddler tantrum. Every child is different so one way may not be the right choice for your toddler. If you see that an option isn't working then try another. No matter what works, the first thing you should always do, when your toddler is throwing a tantrum, is to check and make sure that they are in a safe location for the tantrum. You wouldn't want them throwing themselves around and bumping into furniture or falling off of the bed or couch. So make sure that the area is clear of anything that would cause injury to your little one. Or simply pick them up and move them to a safer location. They are already mad so moving them isn't going to hurt anything.

Some people find that just letting the child throw their tantrum without interruption is the best thing for them. I've used this technique many times over the years with all of the girls. Once they are finished they would always come to me to be hugged and told it was alright. I would then talk to them about why they had their tantrum. If it was over something they wanted then we would go and hunt that item down. Usually they would be much calmer and able to handle my constant "Do you want this? Or this?" until we find exactly what they wanted. Other people will allow the tantrum to go on but will first insist that the toddler go to their room to continue their tantrum. I've found that this option is a little more difficult since most toddlers will not hear a thing you are saying to them while they are having a tantrum.

Another option that some parents use is to hold your toddler during the tantrum. You simply (or not so simply) hold you kicking and screaming toddler during their tantrum. Some parents swear by this technique saying that their toddler is somehow comforted by the parents holding them. Your toddler's temperment will dictate if this option will work or not for them.

If you are in a public place when a tantrum occurs, it's best to remove the toddler from the place. You don't know if it would be a safe place for the tantrum and we never like gawking passerbys during a tantrum. So it's just best to take the toddler to a safer location until the tantrum has passed. Sometimes this will mean leaving a shopping cart full of groceries in an aisle and running for the door.

There are also ways to help prevent tantrums from occurring. Well, not all tantrums but maybe a good many of them. Tantrums will always occur and they are natural so don't expect them to disappear overnight.

One way to help control the amount of tantrums is to keep a close eye on your toddler. If you see that a tantrum is about to begin then go to your child. Try to distract them with a game or toy that they enjoy. Make a silly face or dance around the room. Sing a song together that your toddler loves. Anything that will distract him or her from the upcoming tantrum.

Establishing a good bedtime routine is important to a toddler. A toddler tantrum can occur very quickly with a tired child. Be consistent with bed times and nap times. If you see the signs that your child is getting tired then go ahead and put them to bed. Don't wait until they are so tired that a tantrum is inevitable.

A good eating routine is also key to curbing toddler tantrums. A hungry toddler will throw a tantrum as fast as a tired one will. Try to plan meals and snacks around the same time every day. Toddlers thrive on routine. It keeps them happy and lets them know what to expect during their day.

Another way to avoid tantrums from your toddler is to offer them choices throughout their day. For example, when you get them dressed in the mornings offer the choice of two different colored shirts. Or at snack time offer them the choice of cheese or peanut butter with their crackers. By doing this you are showing your toddler that you respect their decisions and feel like they are able to contribute to their day and you know they are gettign something good for them since you pick the choices that they are offered. You'll also forego seeing your child kicking and screaming because they wanted water instead of milk to drink.

Also keep in mind that toddlers will mimic what they see the other people in their lives doing. So if you are often angry or frustrated your toddler may react in the same manner. You are your child's best teacher so stay calm and speak to them in a normal voice when they are upset. Try not to show anger when they are throwing a tantrum.

No matter what options you find useful in diffusing toddler tantrums, always always always be consistent with your choice. If you give in to your toddler's tantrum demands, just once, then they will know that they can get their by throwing a tantrum. Stay strong and you will make it through the Land of Toddler Tantrums with minimal injury.