Dejected, Rejected and Suspected: Why This May Not Be Your Best Valentine's Day

First of all, it's winter, and there's nothing to look forward to except Valentine's Day and you can't look forward to Valentine's Day because you don't have a Valentine because you're so stupid you dumped him in January just because he keeps violating parole. Picky, picky, and now you pay.

Rejected.

You know better than to do the drink-and-dial thing around Valentine's Day. It makes you just a "teensy" bit maudlin. He never understood you anyway, much less when you're slurring your words. Give it up. Have a glass of milk. Get out your Big Book.

Suspected.

He finally called, just on the verge of asking you to go out to dinner on Valentine's Day night, when your date who is sitting right next to you asks if you want some privacy/wine/more pizza/whatever. Now Caller A can certainly tell that deep voice wasn't yours and becomes very suspicious that you haven't been exactly true to him.

This can go one of two ways: 1) He says "Is that creep there?" You say "No that was the TV," but you're such a terrible liar he's not buying it, and that's it. Poof. Relationshit.

Or, 2) he becomes territorial, madly jealous, afraid he's really lost you this time and sings "Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone, and tell that bozo who's there with you, he'll have to go." Then things get really awkward.

Not your best Valentine's Day, darlin'.

You probably alienated both of them, Mz. Femme Fatality. So, there'll you be on Valentine's Day all by your lonesome with a carton of Ben & Jerry's and a bottle of Peppermint Schnapps. Well, don't stay holed up in the house. Get some fresh air. Grab that carton and go sit on the porch. You can watch all the cars go by full of smoochy couples on their way to romantic candlelight dinners.

There's always next year.

Other Valentine's Day articles from this author:

Gifts Guys Should Absolutely Not Give on Valentine's Day

Best Gifts for Guys to Give on Valentine's Day