Deliver Me from the Census Police

I got my second Census form Saturday. When I got the first one, I filled it out carefully and sent it back quickly, so they wouldn't send the Census Police after me. I don't know exactly how many years hard time you can get for not answering the form, but I'm not willing to take the chance. I really don't look good in orange, although I do wear a lot of flip-flops.

Now, I'm wondering what's the punishment for sending two Census forms. I mean, come on, if they're going to all the trouble of sending me another one, I'm tempted to send it back, too. I hate to seem ungrateful. I mean, I figure someone was hired to send me that paperwork, maybe even a couple of people.

I knew they must really, really want to know how many people live in this house when I got the first Census form. Then when I got a postcard telling me I was getting a Census form, I felt very important.

The postcard came a couple of days after my Census form arrived. And now, another form, common sense tells me I must be on a very prominent list. Surely, it's not because they think I might have written incorrect information on the form, just because there's only two people living in our house, and after all, it does have three bedrooms. I see some places around here smaller than ours, and there will be a dozen cars parked outside.

No, I've about decided that each person mailing these forms must get extra credit if they mail out more than their allotted amount, and so they peeked over on somebody else's list when they weren't looking so they could up their quota for the day. Maybe they make an extra nickel of something, kind of like production work on a factory assembly line.

I will admit, though, that I'm beginning to become suspicious about how accurate this Census information will be. I know the government is hoping for correct information, but I also know people can be pretty casual about this sort of thing. I imagine there will be some people who won't bother to fill it out, some who will fill it out and forget to mail it, and then those who don't even know the government is taking a Census. Anybody who's ever tried to work with a committee on a project realizes that.

I will say, though, that this situation has reassured me in what I've always thought about the government's ability to run things. And if I get another Census form, maybe I'll pass it along to my cat, Miss Kitty. After all, she lives here, too.