Delta Farce

Delta Farce is the spring cinematic monstrosity spectacular. It strives to answer, "What happens when you have inconsistent characters, no character development, drinking, the army, no decision on type of humor, fart, food, discomfort and gay jokes made into a movie smoothie?"

Three dirt-for-brains, rednecked idiots serving in the National Guard are dispatched to serve in Iraq. Seriously unfit for duty, a Sergeant takes it upon himself to, over a weekend, get these three soldiers ready for their trip to Iraq. After their extensive re-training they are put on a plane on the way to Iraq. During the flight they are accidently dumped from the plane in their sleep. When they wake up they don't realize they aren't in Iraq; they are in fact in Mexico. In full soldier mode, they begin to treat the citizens as if they are in Iraq. They go as far as to attempt to stop "insurgents." Oh the trouble they get into.

Comedies that strive to pop the top of convention by being incredibly outrageous can sometimes make you laugh at things you thought could never be funny. Comedies that strive to pop the top and instead poke holes in the bottom leave you feeling every filling in your mouth. Delta Farce is the latter.

The characters in Delta Farce have incongruent personality traits. They all are dumb as a sack of rocks; the only difference being the weight of the sack. Yet, they all can spit out specific legal language or something remarkably smart. It isn't used as a tool of humor; it occasionally just spills out of their mouths as naturally as their gay jokes. There is one scene where arguably the stupidest of the group can recite the Geneva Convention language. I was left shaking my head.

I thought evolution favored the stronger and smarter. When I watch Delta Farce it makes me wonder if there is a god because there is no way that evolution could pop out the cast and crew stupid enough to make a movie as laced with such should-be evolutionary rejects. The writers, Bear Aderhold and Tom Sullivan should have their index fingers removed so they can never type out such a horrific cinematic mutation again. Director, C.B Harding, should have his eyes gouged out for having seen this movie in production, pre-production, post-production and still not fighting tooth and nail to have it shelved. If I hear him say he is proud of the movie, I may have to encourage more serious punishment. Bill Engval, who plays Bill, DJ Qualls, who plays Everett, and Larry the Cable Guy, who plays Larry, should be sent to Iraq to serve the terms of duty as set out to their characters. Might I suggest the human mine sweeping job or the suicide bomb tester? Either one of these jobs would be a great use of these human resources but also good for the human gene pool.

Producers Alan C. Blomquist and J.P. Williams need a lecture from their mothers about acting morally. The discussion should go something like "Son of mine, I believe I have taught you well enough to consider other people when you make decisions in all aspects of your life. When you make the choice to produce movies, you should consider the audience's well being. I think you should pay for the dental work for everyone who saw this movie because you knew what you were putting out when released it. I am ashamed that you hired a cast, a crew, and post-production staff for this movie. You put all of their careers in jeopardy because they worked on this movie. You also are helping with the stupefaction of the human race by hiring hairy-knuckles Oakies that should have starved to death long ago. Don't you know that fart, gay and redneck jokes have all been done before and no one finds them funny anymore. I don't know if you should come to Christmas anymore." Maybe they will listen to their mothers.

It is impossible laugh when all you can think about is calling your dentist. There is not one redeeming quality in this movie. The bad guys, the good guys, the military, the main characters, the story, the cinematography, etc, makes me wonder why movies like Idiocracy go strait to video but Delta Farce gets wide release. I need to raise Darwin from his grave; he has a lot of 'splaining to do!