Democrats Declare War on Pizza in Public Schools

COMMENTARY | Perhaps it is because of the fact Herman Cain used to be a pizza CEO or maybe it's just another assault by the food Nazis. Apparently the Democratic National Committee has declared war on pizza, at least as served in school cafeterias.

Apparently there is a plot by the Vast Pizza Conspiracy in cahoots with the House Republicans to foist slices of tomatoey, cheesy goodness upon school kids and thus thwart President Obama's beneficent plan to allow public school children to eat peas and broccoli. The DNC begs recipients of the letter to consider the horrors of big corporations and rascally Republicans' attempt to force the kids to eat pizza instead of arugula salad.

Mind you, to be sure kids ought to eat healthier, but really, pizza is evil?

Pizza, in fact, is the perfect food that everyone can enjoy. Thin crust or deep dish, with toppings limited only by one's imagination, pizza is the universal food. Meat eaters can have pepperoni and sausage to their heart's content. Vegans can have vegetables with soy-based cheese product instead of the real thing, even if Cain thinks it is sissy. One can fight over what the best kind of pizza is, but everyone, white, black, male, female, gay, straight, Christian, Jew, Muslim, liberal or conservative, can enjoy some form of pizza or another. Pizza brings us together as Americans.

One has to wonder what is in the minds of the Democrats for declaring war on pizza. Generally it is considered a political non-starter to target something everyone enjoys and then try to tell everyone that it is bad, especially for the children. It gives people the impression that the Democrats would just like to ban everything that is fun.

Public school is tedious enough without making lunch more rancid that it already is. Things may have changed, but back when I was in school what was slopped down at the school cafeteria was something that would choke a goat. I generally brought a sandwich and a piece of fruit, either an apple or a bunch of grapes, to sustain me for the boredom of the afternoon school sessions. Democrats' attempts to make school lunch good for everyone is just going to incentivize kids to bring their lunches, including, one suspects, slices of pizza to nuke in the microwave. It will serve the Democrats right if that happens.