Dennis the Strong

That night at work was just like any other night, until my boss tell me he recently hired a brand new sales associate who used to work at a now-closed fast food place. Well, the fast food place was really quite slow since most of the employees hung out in the back room either fooling around or trying to doctor photos of their boss in Photoshop on the cash register computers. One of the clerks was clever enough to insert the doctored photo in every sales receipt so the unsuspecting customer would see a curious looking picture of a round bespectacled face waving at them while sporting a Hitleresque mustache. That one received quite a few laughs until the boss discovered what was going on and then the doctored photo was not only deleted from the computer, but the employee who created it was out of a job. But this was not the employee who my boss hired; no, this was a different guy. A guy who was quite short, shorter than me, and very thin, weighing about a hundred pounds. I'm a petite gal but I weighed more than this guy named Dennis. After taking one look at him, I figured I could probably lift more in weights than he can. What a surprise to find out he was married and had a teen son who was much taller than him. But he cut an interesting figure, mainly due to his unique life.

Dennis was born in America but lived most of hiss early years in South America. He hiked over the Andes, swam in the Amazon, and even dove off Angel Falls in Venezuela. Angel Falls is the tallest waterfall in the world at 3212 feet. I can only guess that Dennis was so lightweight, he was able to maintain some levity by flapping his arms really hard as he sailed through the air. He was an expert swimmer though, and used to practice scuba diving in his washing machine every Sunday night for five years straight. After trekking through South America he spent some time in the outbacks of Australia, racing with the kangaroos and learning the language of the Alawa and the Balardong. That sounds impressive enough. Well, he even took part in a worship ceremony where the Alawa danced around him, honoring him as a deity since Dennis closely resembled one. To Dennis, that reminded him of the Egyptian god Bes who was a dwarf in form and protector of women and childbirth. What really thrilled him was having the privilege to take part in their meal, since he loved trying exotic foods. Braised crocodile was the one thing he never ate, even though he would later admit to being fond of alligators after moving to Florida. Many alligators roam freely through lakes and backyards, occasionally eating a plump bird. But since Dennis was a little guy, he always feared he would be eaten by one of them.

Needless to say I found his background to be impressive, at least from a geographical standpoint. He last saw his birth family when he was 16 and struck out on his own when his 6'7" father said "Dennis, you will never measure up to me" and by that time, Dennis already reached his full height. He never understood why his sister, Janice, was favored by the family. She was five years younger than Dennis but was 5'6" by the time she was 12. Janice went off to a prestigious school in Connecticut while Dennis was stuck in the Andes, living among the Quechua. Dennis used to sit on some mountaintop, looking off into the distance, wondering why he had to be born to a family of giants when he was so small. He didn't even know why his mother and sister could not have treated him better, for they seemed to prefer each others company to his. Dennis told me how he once saw a British movie, "Old Mother Riley M.P" and described the scene where Mrs Riley was canvassing for Parliament and knocked on the door of some new neighbors. Mrs Riley's daughter Kitty did not know the new people, but when the door opened, out stepped a male dwarf, followed by his wife, then their son, who was a giant. Mrs. Riley asked them if they will vote for her, and they all said yes. Apparently that whole movie stuck with Dennis as he wistfully recalls that back in 1938, if a woman ran for a position of power, she was more likely to support the underprivileged. Yet this was 2011, and the two female members of his family refused to support him. I felt a little sad for Dennis but at the same time could not help but feel he was so strong and self sufficient for having traveled through South America and Australia in places most sane people would never think of going. I mean, who in their right mind goes diving off of Angel Falls? I know I never would. I'd be just as happy watching "End of the River", another old British movie, filmed on location in the Amazon jungle by Powell and Pressburger. Nothing like trying to keep from getting eating alive by mosquitoes the size of B-52 bombers, or a python. I felt much safer at home instead of traipsing in some forsaken place on the planet. Much safer indeed, unless I mentioned running away to the Dasht-i Kavir desert to my family. My husband wouldn't mind, and Yazd seemed like a nice final stop. Kebab with naan, tea, and watermelon seemed much nicer than trying to crack open a coconut.

So I asked Dennis what he ate during his time in the Amazon. He said he used to catch fish from the river, then fry them over a small open fire. That seemed like the logical thing to do. Dennis further told me he never ran into any Jivaro, who are renowned headhunters. I asked what he would have done had he run into one from their tribe. He simply told me that he would have hidden his body behind a thin tree trunk, position his head on top, and close his eyes so that they would think he was just another shrunken head to them. I burst out laughing at his sense of humor. A little guy who could laugh at himself like that told me he was indeed a strong man.

Dennis proved to be a thoroughly competent salesman at his new job with me. He took his work seriously, unlike those other jokers at the so-called fast food restaurant. He was always professional and he was a real pleasure to work with.