Deployment and Children

Daddy's deployed and my children are a wreck, now what do I do? Not only is it hard for someone in the military to leave their spouse, it's even harder for them to leave both their spouse and children. If your child is old enough to understand that daddy has left for an indefinite amount of time, they are probably experiencing many emotions. They may be feeling sad, angry or even confused. This is not easy on anyone especially children because they truly don't understand why daddy has to leave.

It's important to support children during this time because they don't have the coping skills that adults have when placed under stressful situations. There are things you can do while daddy (or mommy) is gone that will help them cope with the separation. Helping your children through the time apart will also make the reunion much smoother and easier once daddy or mommy returns. Here are some ways you can help your child and yourself during deployment.

Listen to Your Child

If your child needs to talk about how they are feeling, listen to them. Drop everything you are doing and sit down with them. Answer their questions as much as you can and make sure to ask them questions as well. You want to know how they are feeling and know if they are under a large amount of stress because of it. Children sometimes decline academically when a parent is deployed and that is because they are dealing with internal stress that isn't being cared about. It's very important to be there for your child whenever and however they need.

Keep Busy

If your child is not involved in any extra-curricular activities, ask if he/she would like to join a club, group, sport, etc. Keeping busy will make the time go faster for both your child and yourself. It will also boost self-esteem in your child which will help them as they grow older.

Look at Pictures

Some may think that out of sight means out of mind but it's quite the opposite when you are dealing with a child's parent. Viewing pictures of the deployed parent will help them stay connected and remember the times that they were able to spend together. This will help your child remember that even though daddy or mommy is gone right now, they will be able to do the things they usually do and love when the deployed parents returns.

Write Letters

Have your child write a letter. This is such a great coping tool because a child can get how they feel out on paper and also share how much they miss and love their deployed parent. This will also help your child stay connected which will help tremendously when mommy or daddy returns. The child won't have to feel like the deployed parent missed out on a lot.

Care Packages

Everyone loves to get packages in the mail and your child will have a great time putting one together. It can be a fun adventure to the store and then a good activity at home putting it together. Sending a package will help the child feel that they are helping daddy or mommy and that the deployed parent still needs him/her. Sometimes children may feel that since daddy has left, they are not needed or special because they don't understand. Helping your child feel like he has done something for daddy will help that feeling.

Draw Pictures

Of course, if your child cannot write, drawing pictures is just as effective. Actually, some children (even those who can write) sometimes can express themselves better through art than with words. So discuss with your child which he would prefer.

Attend Workshop or Group

This is more for the parent because of course, adults need support too. There are usually workshops and groups catered to military spouses. They usually discuss how to handle issues at home and how your child is responding to the deployment.

Helping your child through the stress of having their parent deployed is a great way to help them learn how to deal with stress at an early age. Someday as adults they will look back and remember the ways that you have helped them cope and apply some of the same coping mechanisms to their adult lives. You are providing your child with the framework to becoming happy, secure and independent human being.