Depression; Is it All in Your Head?

I have lived with depression for seventeen years of my life though it seems like forever. In 1990 I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression. I had been through a major divorce, turning forty and being a single Mom with no significant way of providing for my four children. I coped as long as I could denying that I was having problems. I had applied for and obtained a place in a local nursing school, after waiting on a list for months to get a spot. I hadn't attended a school for more than 25 years. I tried to absorb the pain of my children, now without a father. One day amidst the struggles of daily living with four kids alone, the dam broke and I had what I now call 'my breakdown.'

I woke up one morning, something set off the tears and they didn't stop. The tears flowed and continued to flow for days without end. Actually I was one of the lucky ones. I recognized that something was really wrong with my thoughts, beside my being so sad and the non-stop crying. I needed help and I needed it fast. I was on a state medical program at the time, I called my doctor and made an emergency appointment. He immediately put me on a very strong anti-depressant and told me that I would have to drop out of Nursing School until my mental health improved.

The last year and a half I had been on one of my constant diets to loose weight. I had lost an enormous amount of weight on a liquid diet, I looked great. Then one day out of the blue, my husband of seventeen years decided he didn't want to be married anymore. Things were going down-hill fast, as though I wasn't already depressed enough the doctor wanted to put me on a medication that would make me gain back the weight I had fought so hard to loose.. I reluctantly began medication, dropped out of school as advised, and spent the next nine months of my life in a drugged stupor. My children were not alone but were pretty much on their own while I tried to supervise things from my sofa, between naps. I had no family in the area and my friends were dealing with their own issues. You may think I was a terrible mother and trust me, I believed it back then myself. I did my best to fix things for all of us.

My children were good kids, for that I am eternally grateful and also for the fact that my oldest daughter was fifteen at the time. She was still a child herself but she helped out so much. Without her our family couldn't have stayed together. Our family during that time seemed to be submerged into some kind of hell. During those long months when I fought for my sanity, I changed medications many times, most of which were tricyclics such as Elavil.These medications can cause some very unpleasant side-effects including weight gain, fatigue and just being in a stupor. Through all of this time all I could do was sleep and gain weight and watch my life pass me by, though at the time I didn't really care if I lived or not.

I expressed my concern to my doctor about the side-effects that I was dealing with and told him that it seemed as though the side effects were contributing to more depression. He laughed and told me that I could choose the medicine or getting worse. I took the medicine knowing that things couldn't get worse and prayed that I would immerge somehow from the mental black closet where my depression kept me locked. I saw countless psychologists and counselors who listened to me, I think, but not one of them had any suggestions or answers to help me escape the darkness where I now lived. Maybe lived is the wrong choice of words. I existed. All I remember through those times is that I felt so lost and alone and I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy. One of the better things that happened during this time was that SSRI medications became available. They have fewer side effects and really helped my special version of depression. Psychiatry was advancing.

The signs and symptoms of depression are as follows:

1. A persistent, sad or anxious mood.

2. Feelings of hopelessness or helplessness.

3. A feeling of guilt or worthlessness.

4. Loss of interest in normal activities or pleasures.

5. Decreased energy or fatigue.

6. Difficulty in concentrating, or making decisions.

7. Changes in appetite either eating too much or not eating at all.

8. The inability to sleep or sleeping too much.

9. Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.

10. Restlessness, anxiety or irritability.

If you or any family member or friend, suffer from any of these signs or symptoms please, reach out for help. Call your mental health clinic or your doctor. In individuals who find help and are treated with medication and or psychotherapy there is an 80% chance of recovery.

Depression is an extremely common disorder that at some point in their lives, affects nearly everyone. Each year more than 17 million people in America experience some period of depression. The impact of depression is enormous and affects society in all most all aspects.

1. Depression causes tremendous emotional pain on the individual and family and friends.

2. Disrupts the lives of million of people along with their families.

3. Reduces work productivity and absenteeism.

4. Depression has a tremendous negative impact on the economy costing an estimated $44 billion dollars a year.

Depression is not to be confused with Bi-polar disorder which was formerly called Manic-depressive disorder. Bi-Polar disorder consists of extreme opposites in mental states such as a very low bout of depression where the patient has trouble functioning and manic-like highs where the patient is in a euphoric state and may do things that he would never do under different circumstances. Many people while in their manic state may not sleep for days, spend money with abandon or subject themselves to dangerous situations. In the severe depressed state suicide may be contemplated or attempted. Bi-Polar people go from one extreme to another. Medication can control and make these people function at almost normal levels. The down-side of the medications is that they may have unwanted side effects. These side effects make many people suffering with Bi-Polar disorder and depression reluctant to continue their prescriptions for the long term. Most psychiatric medications have unwanted side effects which makes treatment difficult. These side effects can cause lethargy, weight gain, tremors, lack of emotion and sexual apathy or lack of response during sex.

Nearly 2/3 of depressed people do not get proper diagnosis or treatment for their disease. Patients are reluctant to admit that they are having problems because they are looked at as feeling sorry for themselves or just lazy. There is still the stigma in our society that someone with a mental disorder is weak or just not looking for the positive side of life. Some people who are having severe symptoms of depression find themselves unable to reach out for help. In some cases doctors miss-diagnose the problem as a physical ailment. If your doctor does not take your symptoms seriously please get a second or third opinion if necessary.

Women are seven times more likely to suffer an event of depression than is a man. Hormones, menstruation, childbirth and menopause make depression more likely in women due to extreme hormone fluctuations. Depression after childbirth can have deadly results if treatment is not found. This condition can go from mild depression to Postpartum Psychosis. If you have had a child recently and have feelings of wanting to run away, not caring for your child, hurting or killing your child or have possible hallucinations or delusion, please confide in someone and seek immediate help. There are treatments that work. SSRI anti-depressants are very helpful in treating this illness. Counseling is also a good addition. Things will and do get better.

There are many good treatments for depression now. Psychiatry has come along way since I had my breakdown in the early 90's. People are also more educated and accepting of mental illness. Science is constantly coming up with better medications with fewer side effects. I am not cured. I struggle daily with my depression and am and will probably always take medication for my illness. I am however functioning and do have a productive life. My children have grown up though two of them struggle with depression and anxiety themselves. I eventually finished nursing school and graduated with honors. I worked in of all places a 'locked psyche facility.' I have re-married and am now doing what I have always wanted to do. I write.