Depression: My Feelings

You are surrounded by four walls.
You can't get out.
You try and try to get out by climbing.
But you can't.

You feel trapped inside and out.
You're suffocating, can't breathe.
Where do you go? Who can you talk to when nobody's there to help you.

It's difficult to trust someone, when you've been taught to trust no one but yourself.
You ask yourself, "Why me?" "What did I do to deserve this?"
But nobody's there to help you answer these questions.
Only you can answer these questions.
But it's a long journey to discover the answers to these questions.

You believe the only way out is to see a psychiatrist but you're afraid that the psychiatrist will say, "I can't help you," or talk to strangers behind your back about your problems.

So, where do you go? What do you do?

You feel that you have no family or friends you can count on.
What's your only hope?
You decide that guns, knives, needles, pins, and razors are your only, true friends.

You're so confused, tired, and hurt.
You're not sure what to do.
Suicidal thoughts run through your mind, day and night.

You're thinking at the stroke of midnight, this will finally be the end.
You think about your family and friends. Who would care if you're dead?
When you try to talk to someone, they tell you, "Don't worry, it'll be alright. Things will get better, just wait and see."
Somehow, things just don't seem to get better, only worse.

You finally made the decision that will end it all. You pick up a small, kitchen knife and slash your wrists. You don't feel the sharp pain of the knife as the knife is going across your wrists. But that isn't enough. You pick up needles and pins and try to pop your veins. You still don't feel the pain from the knife nor do you feel the pain as the needles and pins are being stabbed into your veins. You're still alive, but hurting inside and bleeding on the outside.

Finally, in the end, you pick up a gun. You put one bullet in it. You put the gun inside your mouth, and pull the trigger.

You are no longer hurt, confused, and tired. You no longer have to try to climb the four walls that have surrounded you. You are no longer trapped inside and out.

You finally have the freedom that no longer surrounds you.