Depression, the Next Step

In my last article we talked about being depressed, clinical versus situational depression and some of the obstacles encountered when you are depressed.

I have found with my struggles with depression that it is a seriously convoluted tangle of paths as you try to work your way through. Before my breakdown, I handled my depression very casually. I was used to it and dealt with it.

This was not always easy, as I worked all my life and had to control my episodes so that no one noticed. After a bit of scouting around I discovered a great doctor who didn't really think depression was debilitating. She gave me Prozac and that held me for years. Each person has to find a medication and level that will work for them. Prozac may not work for you, as many other psychotropic drugs do not work for me.

Then came my years with an abusive husband, homelessness, loss of all I owned and a long fall into blackness. I didn't emerge on the other side. Rather, I climbed, slip, fell back, went forward and tried again. Ten years ago I was a scurrying little creature, afraid of everything and everyone.

Then of course I was in need of much different intervention. Luckily I am under the care of a wonderful Nurse Practitioner who is loving and concerned. You can find all different views by doctors about depression. Some say, "Pull up your bootstraps, and get on with it." Well, I had pulled mine up around my neck and still had to struggle. There is no average, no set parameters. Depression and mental illness are very person-precise disorders.

If you are in a position to need help, be very careful. Remember, no one knows you better than you. On the other hand, we can be misinformed and naive about our illness. It takes a balance with a doctor who listens to you and considers your opinions as well. It is a partnership in many ways. I find I have a very close relationship with my N.P. Keep an open mind, and check to see that they are also flexible.

In my opinion, finding a medication - or learning to control emotions without meds - is a delicate dance on a high wire. Remember that most drugs take time to work themselves into your system. It won't bring relief right on the spot, and may mean several changes of medication until you find one that works the best. Be patient and willing to work with your doctor.

Personally, I have not found that I can go without medication. It was a very difficult decision for me, as my husband was a drug addict and I had a horror of drugs. But, for my well-being I tried many - eventually ending up back with Prozac, which seems to a good route for me.

One thing I am very decisive about is the "stigma" of depression and mental illness. When you have a broken leg with a nifty cast, everybody signs it and it's good for a stretch of sympathy. But when you have a "broken" mind - no one can see it, and so they assume whatever comes to their mind. You have a right to be depressed and mentally ill. It is nothing you can change with the brush of a magic wand. The best you can do is be realistic about your situation and help yourself as much as possible.

In my next article we will talk about living sane in an insane world.