"Desperate Housewives" (1/02/11): Susan Needs a New Kidney

"Desperate Housewives," 1/02/11 at 8 p.m. on ABC: In an episode entitled "Assassins," Susan DelFino (Teri Hatcher) is the lead story on the first episode of "Desperate Housewives" in 2011. Injured in the melee on Wisteria Lane, we now learn that one of her kidneys ruptured and had to be removed to stop internal bleeding, and the other is deformed and only works at 5% of capacity.

Surprisingly, Susan seems to think that she won't need dialysis and, during this episode, is seen walking her small son downstairs to get ice cream. Of course, she doesn't make it very far before having some sort of seizure in the hospital corridor, which no doubt reassured the lad. What Susan's illness has done, however, is bring Mike Delfino (James Denton) back from Alaska, where the plot line had sent him

Someone has shot the universally despised Paul Young (Mark Moses) and the suspects are nearly everyone on Wisteria Lane. His shooting clues him in to the fact that he has married the daughter of his archenemy Felicia Tillman. Paul's wife does not know that her spouse is wise to her identity as she is conveniently in the hospital cafeteria when the police give Paul the news.

We see the interior decorating company started by Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) and Vanessa William's character of Renee making a sale to a hotel maven, but the scene ends with Renee confessing that she slept with Tom Scavo ( Doug Savant) 20 years earlier. This sets the stage for Lynette to make Tom's home life a living hell with a lot of passive-aggressive behavior. It seems out of character for Lynette not to confront him directly about this decades-old indiscretion. The things Lynette is doing to Tom are small, such as serving him overly hot food or leaving things on the staircase for him to stumble over. The humor over such behavior is almost non-existent.

On another front, Bree's ex, Orson Hodge (Kyle MacLachlen) shows up in his wheelchair asking for lodging, claiming that his girlfriend (Jane) kicked him out. Bree's much-younger boyfriend, Keith (Brian Austin Green) has just moved in with Bree. He and Orson do not get along. A food fight breaks out at the table, which seems unlikely. Bree learns from Jane that the story Orson has told the couple about being evicted from his girlfriend's house is bogus. When Keith learns the truth that Orson wants Bree back, his reaction is: "Let's wheel his ass to the curb right now." We can see the rapprochement with Orson coming a mile away, even though, earlier in the episode, Bree says to Keith, "Everything that happened over the last few days reminded me of how much you mean to me." (Apparently, not that much, since Bree refuses to give Orson his walking papers, even when she discovers the truth of his story.)

The romance line with Bree and Keith is going nowhere. They are obviously mismatched and I'm not talking about the age difference. It is only a matter of time before some brave soul offers Susan a kidney transplant and we have a candidate for the Mother Theresa award. And you have to wonder why a 20 years old indiscretion wouldn't, by now, have faded into oblivion. If not, one wonders why Felicia Hoffman's character of Lynette doesn't have the guts to have it out with her philandering husband -- .if you can call a one-night stand that took place 20 years prior when the engaged duo was on the outs "philandering.".

As for Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria Parker), she begins the episode trying to make things right with her chubby daughter by buying her an expensive doll (modeled on the American Girl dolls.) I'm hoping that Carlos (Ricardo Chavira) will re-grow his facial hair, as he looks weird without it, and the psychiatrist's advice to erase their real, biological daughter from their lives seems ridiculous. I would advise a second opinion on erasing their biological daughter (who has now fled with her illegal immigrant parents) from their lives and on Carlos' facial hair.