"Desperate Housewives" is Back with a New Season of Sin in the Suburbs

The original Housewives, as in the Desperate ones, were back tonight for a whole new season of lying, backstabbing, stalking as well as the theme of tonight's opener, "Sin in the Suburbs."

When we last saw Wisteria Lane, Bree and Carl, Susan's ex-husband and Bree's divorce lawyer were getting hot and heavy, Lynette found out she was pregnant yet again, Gaby and Carlos had been duped into taking in Carlos' sexpot, troublemaking niece and Mike was standing at the altar next to either Susan or Katherine about to say 'I do."

Now honestly...was anyone surprised it was Susan who Mike decided to hitch his wagon to? Poor Katherine (Dana Delaney) who started off as such a strong, delightfully bitchy character just a few seasons ago, spent last season relegated to moping about Bree and wearing tacky little scarves around her neck. Unfortunately, she was stuck wearing yet another tacky little scarf around her neck in this episode, but she did show a little fire when faced with Susan stealing her man (which was technically Susan's man to begin with, but anyway).

In vintage "Desperate Housewives" fashion, tonight's action started with Susan and Mike's wedding before flashing back eight weeks prior. Bree and Carl were pawing at each other in his office and made a date to meet up at a hotel so that Bree doesn't have to do the down and dirty on the same couch where Carl has made other conquests. They later wind up at a roach motel and a repulsed Bree refuses to get into a bed with threadbare sheets that reek of industrial bleach. So, off Bree and Carl go to buy new sheets and comforters for their romp. Carl finally realizes Bree has no intention of hopping in the sack with him and tells her to stop being a good girl and start being happy. Later, after a fight with Orson, Bree decides to throw caution to the wind and tells Carl to meet her later at the roach motel. Of course, Bree being Bree, she's already booked the room and changed the sheets.

Gaby has her hands full with her sneaky niece, Ana, calling her out on the baggy sweatshirt that's covering up a hoochie-coochie top. Typical Carlos turns the other cheek and wants Gaby to give the girl a break. Carlos needs to find his cojones and recognize bad behavior instead of always letting Gaby be the bad guy. Later, Carlos tries to convince Gaby to become Ana's legal guardian. Gaby's not feeling it and says she wants to keep her options open. Ana continues to defy Gaby by sneaking into a nightclub after Gaby forbade her to go. The always ballsy Gaby went to the club, took to the stage and announced over the microphone to the crowd if they didn't give up her underage niece, she was calling in the cops and their drug-sniffing dogs. After a heart-to-heart, Gaby signs the guardianship papers and lets Ana know she's gonna watch her like a hawk. My money's on Gaby as the victor in this war.

Lynette, who dealt with cancer, her teenaged son's affair with a cougar and the failure of her pizza place, thought she was finally getting her life back on track. She landed a cushy marketing job with Carlos' firm and even her goofy husband, Tom, had gone back to school to further his own marketing career. Alas, Lynette lives on Wisteria Lane, so of course, everything will not come up roses for her. She discovers she is pregnant with twins and try as she might, she just can't fathom it. She's so bitter about this turn of events, she tramples all over an expectant new mother's spirits in the doctor's waiting room. Later, during the ultrasound, Lynette tries to muster up affection for her new babies, but tearfully confesses to Tom she doesn't love them.

The situation escalates between bride-to-be Susan and woman scorned Katherine when Susan's wedding dress is delivered to Katherine. Katherine sees fit to try on the dress and stand over a pot of bubbling tomato sauce while Susan watches helplessly. On a side note, I gotta give it to Teri Hatcher this season - she finally has a decent hairdo! The "Desperate Housewives" viewing audience thanks you Teri.

As per a new season of "Desperate Housewives," the Bolens are the latest family with a deep, dark secret on Wisteria Lane. They take up residence in Mary Alice's old house and it becomes clear something isn't right with their brooding teenaged son, Danny. Danny later asks out Susan's daughter Julie and after she rejects him, someone (not saying it's Danny, but probably) chokes poor Julie to within an inch of her life. Danny's mother, Angie, played by "Sopranos" alum, Drea de Matteo, later worries to her husband that they have to appear normal, as she lifts up her dress to reveal her horrifically scarred back.

Speaking of the Bolens, they were guests at Mike and Susan's wedding, which was just goofy. I get this is TV, but still...goofy. Katherine crashes the festivities and demands Susan give her a public apology during the ceremony. Susan's not going there and locks Katherine in a closet. Katherine busts out and in front of her wedding guests, Susan tells her former friend she's sorry about how things went down. Katherine all but spits in Susan's face and you know Susan better watch her back.

Next week, Katherine sidles up to Mike and Julie's in the hospital.