"Desperate Housewives" Season 7 Episode 11 Recap

If you were brave enough to return to Wisteria Lane after the "Armageddon Episode" before the hiatus, good for you. You are a strong individual. Because this show is stinking up the place like an old Yule Log that forgot to get wrapped up when Aunt Doreen left.

So this week we got all worked up over who shot Paul Young. Of course we see weird wife Beth go to her mother in prison, the obvious suspect, and she claims she had nothing to do with it. THEN she gets a cell phone from a warden? To call Mike? As in banished to Alaska to pay the bills after Susan's softcore fetish fail? Riiiiight. Gotcha.

Mike says he didn't shoot Paul, but the detectives are pretty interested in weird wife Beth now...hmmm.

Let's see...what else happened...

Oh Orson came back. He made David Silver Pork and Beans Keith feel like...well...sloppy joes, I guess. Can we be done with this story already? Bree and Keith have ZERO chemistry, their faces don't move, and I like Orson way better. We get it, it's dirty cougar 90210/Melrose Place cross over love. Wonderful.

Renee slept with Annette's husband a hundred years ago. Snore. But she doesn't want him to know that she knows so she can exact her revenge through beverage sabotage. Really. That's an acutal plot line on this show now. Husband sleep with college best friend? Make him piping hot liquids and tell them they're cool enough to drink. Burn. Get it? Oh hahahahaha Marc Cherry...ha ha HA.

I guess all that pretend mob action that was so horrible and weird ruptured Susan's kidney. Proof no one likes Terri Hatcher, so they are going to make her character the most pathetic thing ever. Remember when she was just a bumbling nosy neighbor that tripped a lot? Now she's sad. Sad, sad, sad. Take care of MJ if she dies, guys. Because we're not going to look for a new kidney or anything. I'm sure Mrs. McCluskey has one she's not using...

And finally...Gabby. What a nut. I nominate this for world's worst storyline because it's horrible. Grace the birth daughter gets banished, Juanita the daughter they have is in therapy, and Gabby is NOT in therapy, but building pretend biological daughters out of dolls and old shirts or something. If it weren't for Carlos being hot all over the place I would have watched Sunday Night Football instead.

So that's it for this week's magical ride down ol' Wisteria Lane. Wow, only four more months of this? ONLY four? Awesome. Can't wait. No really. I can't.