Destination ... Wedding Day Blues or Bliss?

IN PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO - It is 7:00 a.m. on February 10, 2001 at the Sheraton Hotel and Therese Garcia, who is soon to be Mrs. Jay Macias, sits alone in her bridal suite, tears streaming slowly down as they leave a watery trail on her face. She has been alone since midnight, when her soon-to-be husband put her in a taxi and sent her off to the hotel while he stayed at the bar with his family and friends. "I can't see the bride on the day of the wedding," Jay says jokingly as he looks down at his watch. That was seven hours ago, of which, Therese spent a good four hours tossing and turning in a trap of restlessness. As she awakens, she realizes she has nothing to do; the wedding is nearly 12 hours away. Most brides would relish such a peaceful start to one's wedding day; but not Therese, she was sad, contemplative and wishing she wasn't alone.

When Jay and Therese decided to get married, they began planning their wedding day immediately. They both wanted a wedding that was intimate, and reflective of their Latin heritage. Several months after their engagement, they traveled to Puerto Vallarta or PV, as the locals commonly refer to it, and fell in love with the place. It was during this vacation that they decided upon a destination wedding.

For the past 20 years, 2.25 million to 2.40 million weddings take place each year in the United States. Of the 2 million plus weddings, approximately 10 to 15 percent of all marriages begin with a destination wedding. A destination wedding is typically referred to as a wedding that requires the bride and groom and their family and friends to travel to a special place where the ceremony and reception will occur. Some couples choose to stay at the wedding location for their honeymoon and most often, the guests plan a vacation around the wedding itself. Destination weddings have grown in popularity with television shows like the "Today Show" and "Who's Wedding is it Anyway?" bringing the fantasy of a destination wedding to the mainstream, more and more people are choosing to celebrate their special day in Caribbean and Tropical locations. According to Hallmark, "destination weddings have tripled between 1997 and 1999 from 3 to 11 percent." Destination weddings are no longer considered an elopement or something that just happened while on vacation. Destination weddings are well planned out affairs that include the same aspects of the traditional kind, the ceremony, reception, entertainment and photographer.

Jay and Therese traveled to their wedding location twice prior to get married there. The first time was during their vacation and the second time they visited PV they scouted out ceremony and reception locations and made as many decisions as they could in one week's time. Therese did most of the planning herself from her home in New Jersey through the use of the Internet, email, faxes and conference calls, with an occasional consultation with a wedding planner.

With the average cost of a traditional wedding ranging anywhere from $20,000 to $25,000, Jay and Therese hoped they could have a $25,000 wedding on a $15,000 budget, since they opted to marry in Mexico, a poverty-stricken country with an advantageous exchange rate. What the magazines and televisions shows neglect to tell you is that a destination wedding can cost just as much, if not more than a traditional wedding. Not only did they have to pay for all of the standard wedding expenses like food, alcoholic beverages and entertainment, but they also had to pay for their own travel expenses to PV, which included airfare and hotel.

Like all weddings, there are always unforeseen expenses and unplanned setbacks. For Jay and Therese, their first wedding consultant disappeared and they never heard from her again, while their second wedding consultant showed up on the day of their wedding completely intoxicated. This might have ruined any other bride's day, but not Therese; she had bigger things on her mind.

When Jay and Therese returned from Chicago and announced their engagement, everyone was so excited and could not wait for their wedding. When they returned home from PV and announced their plans for a destination wedding, the excitement soon turned to talks of unplanned expenses, selfishness and the loyalty of family and friends.

You see, Jay and Therese came from different financial backgrounds. All of Jay's family, inclusive of his mother, three younger brothers and a large majority of Jay's extended family and close friends could afford to attend the wedding, whereas Therese's could not. She found herself forced to face the idea that her family, which included three older sisters, two nieces and a large extended family, would not be able to attend her wedding. They just could not afford the expenses of a trip to PV in February, just two months after Christmas.

Therese spent the several months leading up to her wedding trying to defend the decision that she and Jay made. What should have been a joyous moment in her life was filled with arguments and hurt feelings. Therese could barely talk about the wedding without bursting into tears. Jay offered to pay for Therese's family's travel expenses, but how could she ask him to do that?

To Therese, it just did not feel right and it was not how she wanted to begin her marriage.

"I hate to see you like this," said Jay. "Why don't we just cancel the wedding and have a small one here so all of your family can attend."

"Absolutely not," Therese stated with stubborn determination. "Yes, it hurts that my family and friends aren't going to be there, but this is our day. Too many people have weddings that their parents want, or feel forced to do certain things on their wedding day. I'm not going to do that. It's not about them, this is our day and I'm not going to let anything change that." Months later, the wedding took place as planned.

In speaking with Jay and Therese now, just days after their four-year anniversary, there is still a sense of hurt feelings and mixed emotions. They both admit that the wedding was a beautiful affair and that it was the best day of their lives. However, you can still see a sense of regret in Therese's eyes, especially when attending the weddings of their family and friends. The hardest part for Therese is watching the bride walk down the aisle. She speaks of the flashbacks she has, "I can remember walking down the aisle on my wedding day, and searching the pews for just one familiar face. So much of me wished that just one person would've decided to surprise me and attend the wedding after all." She finishes the description of her flashback with just three words that resonate the pain of her special day, "no one did."

To couples everywhere considering the romanticism of a destination wedding, be sure you prepare yourself for the idea that the most important people in your life may not be there. It is a huge financial expense to ask of your family and friends. Most of Jay and Therese's 50 guests spent close to $4,000 to attend their wedding.

So what advice would Jay and Therese give to couples everywhere considering a destination wedding. "Do your homework," says Jay. "Be prepared for everything," says Therese. "Make sure you are emotionally prepared for whatever may come your way. Never in my life would I have expected to not have my family with me on my wedding day."