Detroit Redwings Lose Playoff Game to Eight-Seeded Flames

On Tuesday night, the Detroit Redwings lost game three of their Western Conference Quarterfinals match up against the Calgary Flames. The Redwings had a 2-1 lead early in the third period after center Kris Draper notched his second goal of the game, but soon poor penalty killing and shaky goaltending caught up to the ailing Redwings. The score was tied at 2-2 when the eight-seeded Flames caught a lucky bounce through a screen on a power play. Soon afterward, Jarome Iginla scored his first goal in 14 games against Detroit, putting the Flames ahead for good. Once the final seconds had ticked off the clock in the third period, the Flames skated off the ice with a 3-2 victory.

Although the one-seeded Detroit still holds a 2-1 series lead in the best-of-seven, several Redwing players were doubtful they could ever recover from such an embarrassing loss. "My grandmother plays in a wheelchair league," explained defenseman Chris Chelios, "And I think she could beat the Calgary Flames...without her pacemaker."

Chelios was very remorseful about his team's performance, but his fellow teammates were even more disappointed. Todd Bertuzzi, who had missed the last few weeks with a concussion, suggested that the Flames victory was similar to the 1980 "Miracle on Ice" of the USA Men's Hockey Team. "No one gave the Flames a chance in this series. I mean, deservedly so- they suck."

Bertuzzi then added under his breath "C'mon, we play the games on ice. They are flames. Flames would melt ice."

Bertuzzi was then escorted to Henry Ford Hospital by a neurologist for scheduled treatment on his concussion.

The Detroit Redwings' players were indeed distraught by the result of the game, but coach Mike Babcock seemed much worse off. When reporters visited his office after the game, Babcock was close to tears. "It's tough to have faith in God after losing a game like that. It's tough to believe in any sense of higher order when the Flames beat your hockey club." Between sobs, Babcock went on. "Now listen, I don't blame my team for tonight's loss, and I certainly know it wasn't my fault. Clearly, the one at fault here is God. He really let us down tonight, and I'm not sure I can forgive him. I will probably lose my job because of this."

When God received word of Babcock's statements, He issued this release:

I am deeply saddened by the things coach Babcock had to say about the role I played in his loss Tuesday night. As Mr. Babcock is well aware, I am a devout Yankees fan, and therefore I wasn't even at the game in Calgary. I thought the NHL didn't exist anymore...besides, we all know that Flames would MELT the ice they were playing on- Detroit has no excuse.

The Detroit Redwings and Calgary Flames will continue their playoff series Thursday night in Calgary.