Developing the Art of Agreeableness for Improved Relationships

When dealing with other people, your goal should be to develop a rapport. You will improve the quality of your relationships if you learn the art of agreeableness. Develop an agreeable feeling within the minds of others towards you. What does it mean to be agreeable? In the simplest terms, being agreeable means being in harmony.

Being agreeable doesn't mean you will always agree with another's opinions. It does mean you will not show indifference to others. Be willing to listen even if they have opposing views. Being agreeable means you employ tact to disagree in an agreeable manner.

If you re opinions differ from another's look for what you can agree on. You can always find something if you put out the effort. When you have opposing views on a subject, usually you are both seeking the same end result. So find a way to agree on the principle. Commend the other person for desiring the same result. Let me illustrate:

Suppose the topic of the war in Iraq comes up with an acquaintance. While you are in support of the war, your rebutter is strongly opposed to it. You could get into a heated discussion on why you are right. An agreeable person would opt to agree on the principle. Respect that the other person is concerned about the welfare of the US. Commend your rebutter, saying something like, "I appreciate that you are just as concerned as I am about the safety of America."

While you did not agree with your friend's view on the war, you did agree that the welfare of the country was at stake. By finding the source of agreement, you developed a rapport. You did not offend him with your dissimilar opinions. Instead you made him feel good about himself. You have made an ally.

Take into consideration that your opinions may not always be the best way of looking at things. There are no rights and wrongs, only different approaches. It would be arrogance if we were to think that we were always right. By listening to others we gain a broader perspective on life. Everyone has something to offer. Ignore all caste distinctions and be amicable toward all. Therefore agreeableness involves being willing to listen.

As your circle of friends increase your relationships must be built on mutual respect. Believe in yourself and other people. Do not take yourself too seriously. There may be that rare instance someone is bent on a heated dispute no matter how tactful you are. An agreeable person will not be provoked. Try changing the subject if you can not find a common ground that stills the rage. If you have to, just walk away. Later the arguer will appreciate that you did not exhibit hostility. Avoid thinking or saying something you would regret. You may get an opportunity later to develop a rapport.

I conclude with this verse from that ancient guidebook, the Bible. "If possible, as far as it depends upon you, be peaceable with all men." Romans 12:18