Developing a Balanced Relationship

Relationships are great tools to help us find balance in our lives. Often, we seek out a partner who is as out of balance as we are - often to the opposite extreme. When you realize this, you can help each other find the center on the pendulum.

I've felt inferior to others most of my life. Understandably, I sought out partners who felt superior to others. I've noticed in many of my past relationships that I was normally the person who chased after the other person, until that person felt suffocated. I have also played the other role where I was the one being chased. There is normally very little relating in these types of relationships. They are ego roles assumed by people who are still learning to be real. When we feel less than the other person we are usually the chaser in the relationship. A chaser will normally marry a person who is a long distance runner!

How many people feel incomplete without a partner to love, but when they find a partner they begin to doubt the sincerity of the other person. Deep down they doubt the person could love them, because they don't yet accept themselves. When you love yourself, you can find a partner who also loves themselves. This is how to put relating back into your relationship.

Speak your truth from your heart. Let go of phrases that have lost their meaning. The words "I love you" are better reserved for moments when you realize them. Do not expect that you will have these moments of realization every waking minute, but cherish them when they come and remember them when you are feeling disconnected from each other. Don't try to make the other person fill a void in your life. Take responsibility for your voids and fill them yourself.

Continue to do the things you love, even if your partner is not interested. When the other person wants to go fishing alone, there is no reason to feel rejected. Have your own interests to carry you through the day. Space is necessary in a relationship. Do not confuse space with distance.

If you are in a relationship where you desire to be real, and your partner isn't. You have probably outgrown the relationship. The good news is you can now find an intimate and fulfilling relationship because you won't accept a partner who is not true to themselves. There will be times when you are challenged to be true to yourself in the relationship, but you will know you have picked a mature partner who is equally dedicated to the task. Together you can help each other work through extremes to that place of balanced relating.