Developing Social Maturation in Kids with Ulcerative Colitis

Kids with Ulcerative Colitis grow up a little quicker; I'm convinced of that. Our son was stricken with Ulcerative Colitis when he was seven months old. When he was three-years-old and one of his friends with the same illness turned two, he lamented that he felt sorry for him because he would have to go through the same testing that he did. What was really sad was that he had come to the conclusion that all kids had to be examined rectally when they turned two. That, I guess, is my point; kids with the illness think in more serious terms much earlier.

It is natural for children with this illness no matter how mild or severe, to be hesitant about wanting to discuss the illness with peers. There is a tendency to feel ashamed of the possible problems which can come up. When one considers the fact that it doesn't take very long for "bathroom jokes" to become the social hit, it is not hard to understand.

We have approached the situation of socializing our son in the following ways.

We work to educate the parents of friends of our son. We remain involved with social issues that affect other families in an effort to create a "quid pro quo" mentality; a family feeling so to speak. We ask their indulgence in watching our son, but, allowing him to deal with his friends when it comes to revealing or discussing the condition.

We actually began the process of socialization outside of our son's school area by sending him to summer camp first. Counselors were available for assistance for him and further, he didn't run the risk of having a group that he saw everyday shun him. He had the opportunity to "have the illness" around other people on a trial basis. He has a mild case so he learned self-care as well as what to do in an emergency; how to think ahead and, how to develop some control over bodily functions. An irritated and sore colon gives certain symptoms and some of these can be managed; he had a chance to learn which ones, and, what to do with those that couldn't be managed. One key element is the aspect of "preliminary symptoms". When a person gets a certain symptom they learn it is going to lead to a more severe one and they better get to a "safe" location.

Our son had a chance to learn what sports were acceptable for him. He found that non-contact sports were the best and that a lot of fluids could not be taken in a short period of time. He had to take care of his hydration needs before a contest and, frankly, his involvement in one contest was limited.

When our son did get into school and got to the age where sleepovers were part of socializing, we started by first having kids stay at our house. This allowed our son to see what the impact of this type of activity would have on him. Frankly, for a long time he didn't want to attend all night functions elsewhere, and, we didn't force it.

By the time our son was in junior high school, he knew his limitations. I think, as parents, what we should try to do with a child with Ulcerative Colitis is allow them to become comfortable with their boundaries. He knew what sports (baseball and volleyball) he wanted to play and found that he had to limit his fluid intake and also wore a rectal pad. That last item was quite private and was handled within the confines of his underwear and uniforms.

When our son finally did spend time away from home, he was comfortable with himself and his body. Perhaps most importantly, his friends had gotten a chance to know him as a regular kid first. By the time a friend did find out about Ulcerative Colitis it was like "So what?"

I think sometimes, as parents, in an effort to try and protect our kids, we try and run interference and, in the meantime, our child loses out on the learning process. Illness doesn't automatically have to be a "confession".

In looking back over our son's maturation process the two things that stick out are his ability to learn about his illness and body and how it reacts in public and giving his peers a chance to know him as a "regular guy" before they had to deal with "extra information".