Development of Addictive Behavior Vs Development of a Bad Human Relationship

You're probably asking yourself how could the development of addictive behavior in any way be compared to the development of a bad human relationship ... one has nothing to do with the other. Well what you'll see is that they are actually very similar. I'm going to give you 5 stages of the progression into addiction and will compare them to the progression of a bad human relationship...you be the judge as to just how similar they are.

Infatuation

This is the early experience with something which provides us with a welcome effect.

With A Substance - you use some sort of chemical which gives you a great feeling. It may have you thinking that this is the best that you've ever felt in your entire life. It leaves you starry eyed and causes your brain to tell you that you should do that again...it feels right. You think about this substance and it's positive effect on your body/brain even when you are not on the substance. You are getting a positive thrill just by thinking about this substance.

With A Relationship - you meet a person and sparks fly. You get a positive feeling about this person and can't wait to be around them again. You start thinking about this person when they aren't around. You are still getting a positive thrill by just thinking about this person.

Basically in the infatuation stage you have realized that this substance or this person makes you feel good and you want more.

The Honeymoon

This is that stage in the game where things seem just perfect. You are only reaping positive results.

With A Substance - You are getting a high that is giving you personally want from a high. Maybe it's to relax, maybe it's to escape thinking, maybe it's to be more outgoing or feel more comfortable with yourself. In this stage the substance has never caused you to feel bad or guilty...only good

With A Relationship - You love to spend every minute with this person. They make you feel better about yourself as a person and your surroundings. You don't fight, you are completely attracted to them and it seems like it is the perfect relationship.

Basically the honeymoon stage is when everything is going along smoothly. The substance or person has never caused any negative consequences on your life.

Betrayal

At this stage we have noticed some negative consequences. Maybe this person or thing is no longer providing the joy that it once did...not so long ago.

With A Substance - when it comes to a substance, usually what you see during the honeymoon stage is not the end result that you will end up with. Unfortunately the good feelings such as more confidence, relaxation, escapism which you were feeling during the honeymoon stage were mere illusions. While these illusions were in full effect you were unable to see or deal with the real reasons behind the need to escape. Now that your substance is no longer given you the high it once was you are realizing that your life is falling apart.

With A Relationship - no one is perfect and no relationship is perfect. The unfortunate thing is that the honeymoon stage gave you the illusion that this relationship was perfect. It could be that you two spent every waking moment together, drifted apart from friends or lead less of a social life. This seemed great in the honeymoon stage. All that you needed was each other. But the honeymoon is over and you are realizing that this relationship is not what you thought it was.

In the betrayal stage of the game you may find yourself doing things you would never normally do. If it's the substance you are dealing with maybe you find yourself calling into work more than you ever did before. Maybe you are stealing money to be able to afford your habit. If it's the relationship you are dealing with maybe you find yourself screaming a lot more, leaving the house during an argument rather than trying to resolve it...basically just doing things you never pictured yourself doing during the honeymoon stage.

On The Rocks

In this stage you ignore the mounting evidence that what you are doing is not working. You are also ignoring the negative consequences that this is having on your life. You are still trying to recapture that "honeymoon feeling" with increasing involvement.

With A Substance - It could be that you realize that $20.00 once a week is not cutting it anymore. You are now chasing that honeymoon high and in doing so have doubled or tripled the amount of money you are spending on your substance. You are developing a tolerance but you are not willing to give up on the idea that you can once again feel how you did in the beginning.

With A Relationship - All the signs are there that this is not working, yet you choose to ignore them. At one time you did anything possible to be able to spend time with this other person and now it's just the opposite. Any time spent with this other person usually affects you negatively. You ignore all of these negative consequences in an effort to recapture the honeymoon stage.

At this point your substance or your relationship is affecting you negatively but because your brain still holds dear the memories of the honeymoon stage you continue down this path in hopes of regaining the positive effect you once had.

Trapped

It seems that at this point you have accepted all the negative consequences as "just the way it is". This stage has become your way of life. Long gone are the dreams of returning to the honeymoon stage. Your acceptance of your way of life has gotten you trapped.

With A Substance - As an addict you see no way out. You have lost the ability to cope in any other way and remains preoccupied with the substance. Every area of your life has deteriorated, in your mind, beyond repair. You have lost all of your self confidence, self worth, and self esteem and believe that you are your addiction. You are now caught in your ever deepening downward spiral.

With A Relationship - By this point you probably have a house and possibly kids together. You are tied together in what you feel are unbreakable bonds. No matter how dire your relationship is now you feel that there is no way out. The thought of divorce makes you think of a life of despair. You have probably lost your self esteem and self confidence and you feel stuck where you are with no solution out.

Unfortunately the stage of being trapped can last for years. It usually takes a very jarring event that causes a click in your brain and makes you realize that you can't go on this way. You hear about someone hitting "rock bottom". This doesn't only apply to someone in the throes of addiction, this goes for any situation where you are stuck in the trapped stage. It is that bottom that causes you to realize that there must be another way...and finally you are ready to find it.

Addictive Thinking

The information above shows you just how powerful an impact addictive thinking can have on one's life. We now know that anyone can be addicted to anything. The point I was trying to make with comparing the five stages of addictive behavior to the five stages of a bad relationship is that addiction is a progressive disease. Anyone can fall into this way of thinking...the only thing that changes is what your addiction is to.