Diabetes and Children - Chapter 3

A parent often forgets their own mental health while trying to help their child. They are so wrapped up in helping their child that they forget to take care of themselves.

I know that there have been many times that I have hidden my own anger, fear, and sadness from my child. I don't want him to feel my grief. Yet, parents do need to find a way to let out what they are feeling. Scream and cry into a pillow, hit a punching bag. Anything to release some of the pressure that is building inside so that you can cope better. It has been even harder for me because of being a divorced mom. I do not have anyone in my life - a significant other - to lend support to me. Yes, I have my friends and family, but just as I cannot completely comprehend my son's feelings and pain, they cannot fully comprehend my feelings. Nor is it their responsibility. I do have a few friends that I have discovered are diabetic, and they are the only ones who really understand.

The one thing that parents will do to themselves when their child is first diagnosed is blame themselves. Did I feed my child bad food - too much sugar, etc. Did I not encourage my child to exercise enough? DID I GIVE THIS TO MY CHILD???? If your child is a Type 1, the answer will be a strong NO! But no matter how much you heae the answer, you will always wonder.....

I still break down in private, or like now, while writing my articles. My son is at his father's, so I use this time to do my grieving. I worry about him all day. I worry that he may not wake up in the morning if his numbers get too low. I grieve every day over the pain that he has to submit himself to, just to survive. I worry about the complications that can happen to him. I know that there are parents and children going through so much worse. Yet, your own pain is the only thing you can really understand. I feel guilty because sometimes I am relieved that I get a break from the pressures of this disease when he is at his father's. I feel guilty because I may get a break, but my son does not.

If a parent is divorced, this disease will now make the ex-spouses have more contact with each other. For some, this may not be a problem. But for others, like myself, who went through unfriendly divorces, with unfriendly after-lives, this can cause even more stress on the parent. I have always tried to make communication go as smooth as possible in order to avoid causing additional stress on my son. Keeping my cool during appointments with doctors can be trying. But it is critical that you both find a way to tolerate each other, especially at the beginning of this disease. Because there are so many adjustments that are being made to a child's medications until they get the numbers in control, communication with the ex, no matter how unpleasant, will be necessary.

Just as this is always on his mind, it is on mine as well. The fear of forgetting something or making a mistake terrifies me. Trips to the store, going out to eat, even tornado warnings, take on a different feeling. You can't just go on errands without making sure you have what you need to handle low, highs, or meals. You can't just grab a sample of food at a store without worrying about carbs. Worrying about if he is having a low, or if he is drinking enough. You now have to worry about severe weather issues, such as tornadoes, etc., as far as being prepared. Even power outages can causes havoc with your insulin supply.

It can be difficult to play sheriff with your child. By this I mean, making sure your child tests often. Making sure that they don't sneak food without covering. They may get very angry with you, especially in the beginning. Whether it is from you monitoring them, or because of learning to accept their diagnosis, it still can be rough and very exhausting.

What does lift my spirits is when something I suggest to my son helps him. We set goals over the past months, such as being able to test the other hand, giving injections into his stomach, and taking additional shots so that he can enjoy fast food after a baseball game. I feel so great when my son tells me of a goal that he reached. Only then do I realize that I do make a difference with him.

Unfortunately, my son's disease has made me less tolerant with people who complain about things that really don't matter. I remember my first day back at work. I was dealing with a customer who was upset that the handle of her refrigerator came loose and marred the doors. The new door was delayed arriving, and it totally threw her into a tizzy. I am standing there trying to be sympathetic, yet I wanted to shake her and say, "Get a life!! You have no idea how pathetic you sound!!"

Everyday things mean even more than before. My time with my son has always been valuable, but now it is even more so. You really find out what is important and what is not. Allow yourself to mourn. Allow yourself to be angry. But only for a short time. Then focus on the good things and rejoice in your child. Make sure that you take care of yourself so that you can take care of your child.