Diagnosis: Breast Cancer - Part III

Day 66 - November 25, 2009 - Wednesday

Yesterday was the date of my lumpectomy and my sentinel node biopsy procedure. I'll write more about it later when I feel better.

Day 71 - November 30, 2009 - Monday

The surgery itself was painless. I was knocked out. What happened prior to surgery, though, was excruciating.

Because the MRI showed nothing, Dr. Berlin, my surgeon, wanted me to have a sonogram prior to surgery so that he could get an idea of where the lump was located. The sonogram showed a small lump and nurses inserted a wire into my breast to mark its location. They also punctured four areas around my nipple to insert dye that would locate the lymph nodes. I was not anesthetized for the procedure and the cream that was supposed to reduce the pain didn't help at all. The needles that went into the area around my nipple caused so much pain, I wanted to cry.

Once that part of the pre-surgery was over, I could relax.

Today I am healing. My breast is only slightly deformed, but it looks as if it is underwired with stitches. The area under my arm is also stitched. I have no feeling on the skin in my upper arm from about two inches above the elbow all the way up to my arm pit and around to the area next to my breast. That numbness is probably helping though, because the area where the lymph nodes were removed is very sensitive.

I spent Thanksgiving and the following Friday in bed, trying to deal with the pain. Today, even though the pain is nowhere near as bad as it was last week, I find that each step I take causes some stress on my breast as I walk and it has altered the way I move.

Thursday I will meet with my surgeon again at which time I hope to get the pathology report from the lymph node removal. He will probably remove the stitches at that time as well.

Friday I will meet with my oncologist to map out a plan for resuming the chemotherapy. Chemo, whether she decides on two or four more rounds, will be followed by radiation.

Day 74 - December 3, 2009 - Thursday

I am surprised by how much pain I'm still in. As the sensitivity returns to the skin on my arm and underarm area, the pain increases. I try to move my arm so that it doesn't get stuck in one position, but the pain prevents me from moving it too far. Today I will meet with my surgeon. Hopefully he will be able to give me some measure of the time involved so that I can look forward to complete healing.

Day 78 - December 7, 2009 - Monday

The impact of having breast cancer has finally hit me. It took 78 days, but here it is. Last Thursday I met with Dr. Berlin, my surgeon, who thought I was healing well. But he told me that some people feel the pain for weeks. Today I am still in a lot of pain and can't help but wonder when I will feel better.

He removed the stitches and told me he was surprised by how well I could move my arm. Most people, he said, couldn't move it that well even after several weeks. I had been stretching, I told him, hoping it would help lessen the pain. It hasn't helped with the pain, but it has helped with my mobility.

The pathology report showed that the cancer had fortunately not metastasized. For that I am grateful.

Friday I met with Dr. Johnson, my oncologist, who set a schedule for the rest of my treatment. She was very happy with how well the cancer responded to the treatment so far, but I now have four more chemo treatments to look forward to, after which I will receive 30 days of radiation.

What I didn't know was that I would continue to receive chemotherapy after radiation up until and through next October.

I really thought I had only three more months to deal with this cancer. And now I see it will take up nearly a year of my life. Why it waited until today to hit me, I don't know. Well, maybe I do know.

Tomorrow I resume chemotherapy treatment. The needle, the pain, the exhaustion - two weeks ahead of me when I will feel completely incapacitated, almost as if I'm in a coma. I'll hear people talking around me, but even opening my mouth to speak will be laborious.

I have become terrified of needles. So often lately my veins collapse or blow and I'm feeling stress at the thought of going for so many more chemo treatments. One of the nurses who saw me prior to surgery suggested using a blood pressure cuff instead of a tourniquet. She pumped it to 100 and told me she had more success with veins not collapsing or blowing by using the cuff. I'll remember to tell all future nurses about this method.

And then there's the problem with my mouth. Layers of my tongue will split open and sharp protrusions will scrape the back of my throat. Four more times. Four more times. I just keep saying that after tomorrow it will be only three more times. Dr. Johnson assures me that after the radiation, the chemo treatment will be different. My hair will grow back. I'll be on only Herceptin then and I won't feel nauseous. I might not even feel exhausted all the time either.

Three more times - after tomorrow.

Day 89 - December 18, 2009 - Friday

The chemo treatment last time caused only minor mouth pain. The exhaustion didn't seem to be as heavy either. While I wouldn't say I feel anywhere close to my normal energy level, I didn't feel as deeply affected by the chemo this last time.

Maybe, because the chemo came post-surgery, the dosage isn't as high. I'll have to remember to ask the nurse the next time I go for chemo, New Year's Eve.

The pain from the lymph node removal still affects my movement. I try to exercise my arm so I can get full mobility, but I feel as if part of the inside of my arm has been removed and I can extend it only so far. I can't use my right arm to get plates out of the cabinet because I can't stretch my arm that far. And I can't lie on my right side.

I'm still chronically tired. Seems I can't make it through the day without having to lie down for most of it. I don't know how some people work through this. I wonder if my age is contributing to the overall fatigue. But I'm grateful that I'm more energetic this week than last. My family will celebrate Christmas this weekend and I'd like to be able to participate.

Day 92 - December 21, 2009 - Friday

Our Christmas celebration was yesterday. It exhausted me. Of course, the fatigue could have more to do with the cold I caught over the weekend than with the effects of the chemo. The struggle now will be keeping the cold from becoming an asthma attack. Chemo lowers resistance, so I have to be ultra careful. Fortunately, I'm not working so I can rest often.

I'm still working on stretching my arm, but I still can't extend my arm its full length yet. The skin around my armpit is still numb, but underneath the skin, I still feel pain. Ten more days until my next treatment.

Day 102 - December 31, 2009 - Thursday

Today is my fourth chemo treatment. Dr. Johnson told me the dosage hadn't changed. Maybe I'm just handling it better and building up a tolerance. I hope so.

This journey is taking much longer than I initially anticipated it would take. I still experience pain when I stretch my arm. Pulling a sweater or sweatshirt over my head is painful. Putting deodorant on is so painful, that I barely touch my skin and I shriek with pain. I continue to stretch though, so eventually I will be able to move my arm completely, hopefully. At least now I can lie on my right side without the pinching sensation in my back. The numbness, however, remains.

Two more chemo treatments to go before I go for six weeks of radiation, five days a week, followed by more chemo treatments. I will continue to fight this fight and I will win!

Part IV will cover my experience with radiation. For now I wish all of us a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year.