Diamonds and Sex : Valentine's Day Challenge

Marilyn Monroe once said, "Diamonds are a girl's best friend," and the most appropriate time that I can think of to receive diamonds is on Valentine's Day. Like most American women, I like diamonds, big diamonds, locked in 18kt gold. Of course, some woman may prefer white gold, but to me, the deeper the gold, the deeper the significance.

Significantly, Valentine's Day is the one-day of the year when men and woman appreciate one another for their gender attributes. Gender attributes are how we display femininity and masculinity. In this appreciation, gifts are exchanged, romantic interludes are undertaken and emotions are exposed. Gender attributes are a hot commodity, especially on Valentine's Day. Jocelyn Hollander did a study on the essentials of these attributes and how the more of them you have, the more you are rewarded. Her "recipe" of gender attributes calls for men to "be big, strong, heterosexual, young, and generous." Sounds good to me! Hollander also prescribes that woman should be "small, beautiful, heterosexually provocative, but not too sexual, and young." Isn't that always the case?

Indeed, I agree with her synopsis of the perfect genders. I agree because as Westerners, we know of this recipe all too well, for we are bombarded with reminders everyday via the media. Victoria's Secret commercials come to mind, and as for big, buff men, they can be observed getting ready for "Miller time." Surely, they've started airing the Super bowl commercials. Warped as it may seem, these are our society's perfect examples of how we should look. We did this to ourselves.

Most definitely, Valentine's Day is for lovers. On this day, men will buy their women jewelry, roses, chocolates, sexy lingerie, and cards. Men buy these gifts to express love and admiration and with the hope that the day will ultimately end up in a sexual encounter! A sexual encounter is the only true signal to a man that a woman is truly his. "Me Tarzan, You Jane," the masculine catch phrase adapted from Johnny Weismuller, America's first Tarzan, surmises the attitude appropriately. Only too happy to reciprocate, women will generally buy cards for their men, accept the jewelry, chocolate or flowers, and reluctantly or readily agree to wear the lingerie. We do this because we ultimately enjoy being his and sex is the surest way to know that we belong to someone. The need for love and acceptance is universal, and one of Maslow's most important hierarchies of needs. Everyone needs love for belonging.

Generally, women, more so than men, have huge expectations for Valentine's Day. They expect their significant other to fulfill the prescribed gender performances. Men are expected to sweep women off their feet, wine and dine them, and be their knight in shining armor. Naturally, these are childhood fantasies that have been played over and over again in our heads because we were socialized with stories of Cinderella. On the other hand, I found that men's expectations of Valentine's Day are not as chivalrous or romantic. Their fantasies are risqué and erotic. Men's visions include garters, long flowing hair, red lipstick and moans of pleasure. They don't require expensive gifts or cards; they simply want a vamp dressed in red. This may sound cynical, but one only needs to peruse the Valentine's Day issue of a Victoria's Secret catalogue to understand the simplicities of men. To put it bluntly, they expect their partner to reciprocate with the most tantalizing sex of their life!

Sadly, there are people that don't have that special Valentine and we need to bring to attention their ramifications. There are a multitude of health issues that love or the lack of, instigate. For example, Dr. Dean Ornish, author of Love & Survival: the Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy, found that "Love and intimacy are the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well, what causes sadness and what brings happiness, what makes us suffer and what leads to healing." Furthermore, he attested, "Our survival depends on the healing power of love, intimacy, and relationships." If we don't have love and romance, we will not flourish, instead we'll deteriorate. Those unfortunates who are not in relationships on Valentine's Day suffer indignation and self-loathing. Women tend to feel the victim and men feel that women are not worthy of their attention and attraction. There are excuses and depression that follows, furthermore, depression is at the root of many health issues.

Bottom-line: women need their diamonds and men need sex. Sexist conclusion? Yes, but our society mandates it and our health depends on it.