Diary of a Boring Man

Monday,

Dear Diary,

It's raining outside. The rain is coming down hard. I've been munching on popcorn while watching a Three Stooges Film Festival. This is fun! I really need to do some dusting.

Tuesday,

Dear Diary,

Today I'm polishing five pairs of shoes. Also, I plan to go outside and count the dandelions on my grass. Can life get any better than this?

Wednesday,

Dear Diary,

Yikes! There is a spider crawling on the ceiling. Holy cow. I need to call the police. This is serious. That spider is huge. Perhaps I can suck up the spider with my vacuum cleaner. I must be daring and brave. Ah forget it. I'm going to sleep.

Thursday,

Dear Diary,

I just listened to the news. There has been a recall on tomatoes. Oh my gosh, I just had tomatoes in my salad. Am I going to become sick and die? My best friend called to wish me a Happy Birthday. I'm going to eat out at Wendy's to celebrate. Oh darn, it's raining again. Will you look at those dandelions. They are multiplying like rabbits. I love rabbits.

Friday,

Dear Diary,

Hooray, it's Friday. I've really enjoyed this week away from work. The grass is getting real tall. The dandelions look fantastic. I think I'll call Amanda Thump and see if she'd like to go out with me on a date. I have two tickets to see the play Death at a Funeral Parlor. It sounds so exciting.

Saturday,

Dear Diary,

Amanda said yes. My heart is pounding. Amanda is so pretty. I love looking at her chubby knees. It's raining again. Drip, drip, drip. Amanda is expecting to see me at 7:00. I think I'll wear my Honolulu shirt. I better floss my teeth before I see her. Darn! My nose hairs really need to be clipped. Oh well, I can hardly wait to see Death at a Funeral Parlor. Isn't life grand?

Sunday,

Dear Diary,

My date with Amanda was so much fun. I loved squeezing her pudgy cheeks. Oh Amanda, sweet Amanda. The play was really suspenseful. Why did Shirley Goodbody have to die? I cried. Amanda cried too. I think I'm in love. It's sunny
outside. I think I'll take a walk in the park and count the pigeons. That will be enjoyable. Well, this has been a week full of adventure and excitement. Too bad that I have to go to work tomorrow. I just can't wait to see Amanda again. Next time I'm going to kiss her. No, that would be too daring. I'll just shake hands.