Diary of a Boring Man - New Entry

Monday,

Dear Diary,

I'm home with a cold. Ahchoo! I'm wearing my Spiderman pajamas. I feel lousy. The world is lousy. My bed is lousy. It's also full of bed bugs. Yeech!

Tuesday,

Dear Diary,

Amanda Thump called me. She's going to bring over some chicken soup. I love Amanda. Perhaps I'll ask her to marry me. By the way, she just got a lovely tattoo. It's a picture of Ronald McDonald. She is so original. It looks like she lost some weight. Her cheeks aren't as pudgy.

Wednesday,

Dear Diary,

Amanda said yes. She'll marry me. First, I have to get over this rotten cold. Then, I have to buy her a wedding ring. She wants to move to North Dakota. I'm not sure about that. It sounds pretty risky to me. I said that I'd get back to her. I'm watching TV right now. I love watching Gilligan Island reruns.

Thursday,

Dear Diary,

I got cold feet. I told Amanda that I could not marry her. I hate the cold. You could bury me before I move to North Dakota. My cold is getting better. My nose is running a lot less. Today is taking out the garbage day. Hooray!

Friday,

Dear Diary,

It's raining outside. I hate the rain. Why doesn't the rain just go away? Why doesn't the rain go to North Dakota? I miss my dear Amanda. Oh well, time to watch the baseball game. On second thought, SpongeBob is on in a few minutes. I can't miss SpongeBob. I love that guy.

Saturday,

Dear Diary,

Spam! I'm getting spam on my computer. I don't need to improve my sex life. I don't need to win a million dollars. I don't need to replace my hair. I hate all this spam. I'm turning off the computer. Time to read a book. Yeah, that sounds like fun. I'm going to read "The Life and Times of Homer Homely." It sounds riveting. Oops, I dropped my Twinkie on the carpeting. I am so bad!

Sunday,

Dear Diary,

I hate the Republicans. I hate the Democrats. I'm going to vote for the Light Green Party. Banality forever! Boy am I gassy today. I have so much gas that I could light up New Jersey. Oh no! I'm lonely for Amanda again. Why did she insist that we move to North Dakota? What was she thinking? Think I'll do some knitting today. I'm knitting a scarf. It looks so cool. Does green really clash with yellow and purple? I'm baffled. I'm also hungry. Time to make my special peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I love to add tuna in the middle. I am so original.