Diary of a Troubled Star

Before I became famous I knew someone who was famous. The words uttered from the mouth of my famous acquaintance were, "I have no true friends." I never understood those words because every time I saw this person there were always people in the presence of my famous acquaintance. It is hard to accept that people can have an agenda to be associated with you simply because you are rich or famous. I have to tell you paparazzi are a beast of nature in catching you at the most inopportune times. I can see why celebrities at times want to break cameras or fight the unwelcome crowd of picture snapping spectators.

I pick up US Weekly, People Magazine and the National Enquirer occasionally and I see some of my celebrity counterparts being blasted by the media. Yesterday it was Britney Spears and I must say I feel sadness in my heart in knowing that the world finds pleasure in seeing her succumb to the weaknesses of being human. Truly I feel sorry for Britney and her sister Jamie Lynn Spears during this difficult time. Today, I read about Amy Winehouse and her being admitted to Rehab. Drugs and alcohol are powerful addictions and I sincerely hope that Amy can fully recover. The world finds pleasure in tearing down the same people it once idolized. I remember all the talented greats such as Jimi Hendrix, Donny Hathaway, Billie Holiday, River Phoenix and many more who battled demons that eventually took control of their precious lives. I know you are thinking, "Why should you care when these people had everything to live for but chose the path to self destruction?" You see it's not that black and white and of course the price of fame is also a bit more complex. Janis Joplin once said, "I perform in front of millions of people but at night I go home all alone." Her words are my sentiments exactly. It is also equally challenging when your passion for something turns into a promising career in which your privacy is no longer valued. I should know I love to sing and as I stroke a guitar it plays the melody of my heart and soul to an engaging audience.

As a young child, I was always gifted and talented and my parents knew that the performing arts were my destiny. At sixteen, I graduated from high school and received my first record deal. It has been ten years since my humble beginnings and sometimes I love what I do and other times I regret signing the contract that would change my life forever. I look into the mirror and I can see the sadness in my eyes that I cover up once I walk outside into the world. The first time I performed on stage it was a euphoric high and with every performance I am trying to match or exceed that high. I have become temperamental because every word I speak is scrutinized and judged for accuracy. If I have a bad day and lash out at someone I could be on the evening news with the headline Deranged and Out of Control. It is not funny or even slightly amusing. I now completely understand the words I heard from my famous acquaintance about having no genuine friends.

My parents recommend that I seek counsel. I am beginning to think everyone believes that I am on the verge of insanity. I am not crazy I am just misunderstood and I am not given the opportunity to figure things out like normal people. I miss the innocence of my youth. I grew up too fast and engulfed in the lifestyles of the rich and famous.

Well I have to go now in a week or so I will go on tour again. Hopefully, I will not return feeling the same way all over again.

Thanks Diary you are my refuge.

Signed,

Troubled Star