Dick Cheney 2006 I.R.A Dog Parts Store Investment (Possible Stem Cell Pickle)

(Washington, D.C.) While the administration officially may not condone stem cell research, a considerable portion of Vice President Dick Cheney's 2006 retirement investment portfolio is in The Dog Parts Store, an Argentina based business alleging to have replaceable dog legs, eyes, paws and just about anything else canine and detachable or re-attachable, so says The Smoking Gun.

The information was obtained from a discarded investment statement of the Vice President, found as an attachment to a White House e-mail that actually wasn't "lost.". The Dog Parts store, traded on the DAX exchange under ticker symbol HUND, has a 35% position in Cheney's 2006 ROTH I.R.A. Unlike standard administration procedure, mumble then invoke national security, White House Press Secretary Dana Perino issued the following statement:

"Yes. Vice President Dick Cheney has a stake in the Buenos Aries based business. But I assure you this business is not doing stem cell research," said Perino in her afternoon press briefing. "My understanding from the company's prospectus is that they remove limbs for deceased dogs and sew them on live dogs, should they need them." A follow-up question of how the Vice President could invest in such a company was met with "I think we can all agree that making a bad investment isn't against the law. Who here didn't load up on Time-Warner/AOL in 2000? I mean, it's not like he shot someone."

Calls to the 95 year old head of "research" at The Dog Part Store, Jose Menegelez, by The Smoking Gun yielded little further information, since Meneglez only spoke remedial Spanish and, for some reason, fluent German. The office of the Vice President issued the following written statement on behalf of Dick Cheney, "I know nothing."

Attempting to do some pre-2008 election damage control, President Bush was vocal on the issue. "If these dogs are, in fact, having extra legs put on them, that just doesn't make any sense. Where would they put the extra leg ?"

Former Presidential candidate John Kerry wanted to say something. However, he is still under a gag order by the DNC.

Hear a commercial for The Dog Part Store.

And here are some other news items you may have missed:
(New York-NY) It's official. MySpace.com is the number one Internet destination, claiming 4.6 of all Internet traffic. It unseated Yahoo. Yahoo issued this statement. "We congratulate MySpace.com. But, let's face it. If you discount pedophiles, the number drops to 1.2%. Phone calls to Gary Glitter, Jeffrey Jones and the Vatican have yet to be returned.

(Portland-Oregon) The 33-year old man who tried to commit suicide last year by shooting nails into his using a nail gun is once again in the news. The man was arrested this week after he attempted to rob a North Fork Bank with a staple gun. The man claims that no charges should be filed, however, because he "meant no harm to anyone. The staple gun wasn't loaded."

(Washington, D.C.) President Bush continues to warn Iran that if it refuses to cease its nuclear program there will be dire consequences. However, Bush then retracted the statement, saying he confused nuculear with nuclear and that all further discussions would be halted until he finds out which one is "the one where you glow after the bomb drops."

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