Dick Vitale Pays Tribute to Duke's Greg Paulus

A Parody Column

Brian Allen
Hey college hoops fans, it's me, Dickie V! As we take a TO from another awesome hoops season, I think it's high time we give some overdue recognition to one of the game's all time underrated players. I'm talking that gritty, blue collar, workaholic, one Gregory Paulus of Duke University.

I still remember like it was yesterday when we watched this kid show his mental and physical toughness in Madison Square Garden during his super sophomore season. Who could forget when he dove to the sidelines for a loose ball and crashed into the tablecloth covering that courtside media table? We all watched, paralyzed in fear, as he rolled around on the floor literally crying in pain for what seemed an eternity. The tears, the first aide, the hushed crowd. I mean, it was drama city, baby! Then, after he was helped from the court, he somehow made his way back onto the floor mere minutes later, as if there wasn't a meaningful injury in the first place! And, sure enough, he played out the rest of the game as if that dime-sized band-aid wasn't even there! Yes, my friends, we knew we were watching a classic Dukie in the making that night!

And then Greg continued his break out season only weeks later as 4th ranked Duke hosted Virginia Tech. Sure, Duke lost the game in an upset to the unranked Hokies, but it wasn't because of any lack of effort by this PTP'er. No way, baby! Mr. Paulus gave of himself to the very end, when he recovered from catching that routine outlook pass off his noggin before racing the ball frontcourt in time to have his desperation trey swatted out of bounds by Deron Washington, the same high riser who had jumped completely over Paulus' head earlier that same game! What heart and passion Mr. Paulus showed that night!

And we've been treated to much of the same ever since. The way this kid puts the team above himself is just flat out incredible. Like the way he sets up to draw the offensive foul. He took a lot of ridicule when North Carolina's Danny Green threw that big time jam down on him in Cameron before burying his crotch in his face. And, sure, a lot of players would shy away from having an opposing player's testicles embedded in his nose while having the rock bounced off your coconut. But not this unselfish player. From Danny Green, to Jerai Grant, to Dwayne Collins, he has taken the tea-bags for his team time and time again! It's almost as if he enjoys it. He's the Lipton tea man, baby! He takes the Nestea Plunge to a whole new level, my friends! Just add sugar and stir!

And I can't help but be impressed by the way this kid has kept the success from going to his head. Everyone knows how Greg has appeared on youtube more than any Duke player. In fact, that well know clip of him flopping in the absence of any contact at all during his team's first round upset loss to VCU is one of the all-time most viewed! But he acts as if it never happened, as if he's never been the subject of such coast-to-coast notoriety!

The bottom line here is that Greg Paulus is a wiener - uh, winner -- pure and simple. Always has been and always will. In fact, here's another prediction for next year - mark it down, my friends, Greg Paulus will take Syracuse to a National Championship. He will rewrite the Big East passing records as he leads his team to the Orange Bowl! And I really believe he will apply his heady basketball skills to the gridiron in ways no one anticipated. Just think about it, he'll be flopping over the field conning those zebras into calling roughing the passer penalties all day long! Hey Mr. Big East defensive lineman, you better watch who you breathe on this fall, baby!

And I realize there are some who think he won't go far with the pigskin. There are some who say he'll just ride the pine, like any first year college quarterback. But even if that happens, you can bet the mortgage that he'll do it with complete and total class. He'll do it because, here too, he already has experience riding the bench as a senior. Yes, my friends, credit his great mentor, the Rolls Royce Hall of Famer, Coach Michael Krzyzewski, for teaching this kid how to spend your final year of college bolted to a bench, watching underclassmen perform.

So those are my thoughts on an all-time Duke great.

Published by Brian Allen

I am a practicing trial attorney and a sports enthusiast. I have published one sports parody book.  View profile

To comment, please sign in to your Yahoo! account, or sign up for a new account.