Dick Vitale Unveils His Preseason Final Four Picks

A Parody Column

Brian Allen
Hey hoops fans, it's me, Dickie V, back with some more detailed analysis of the game I eat, drink and sleep. Today's topic: my preseason Final Four picks.

I think you have to like North Carolina and Memphis to make it to San Antonio. I also like Rick Pitino's Louisville Cardinals and the Bruins of UCLA.

And now just a few words about my dark horse: Duke University. I really believe this Duke team is going to be far stronger than most people seem to think, and here's why:

First of all, they return everyone except Josh McRoberts from last season's loaded team. And what a juggernaut of a team that was. Don't forget, before the Dukies lost 8 of their last 12 games, before they were upset in the ACC play in round by 10th seeded NC State, and before they were dumped by 11th seeded VCU in the biggest upset of the NCAA opening round, they pulled off some big time victories over quality opponents. Everyone forgets how Duke defeated the likes of Georgia Southern, UNC-G, and San Jose State. No one remembers the impressive come from behind wins against Kent State and Holy Cross. Yes, my friends, last year's Duke team really earned that No. 4 national ranking in early January.

Now, sure, against ACC competition they slipped a bit - some would say folded like a Family Dollar lawn chair - but they still showed plenty of heart and passion. The way Greg Paulus courageously returned to action after scratching his chin against Gonzaga, the way Josh McRoberts cried into that towel after losing to UNC, and again after losing to Maryland, and again after losing to UNC again. That's what you call signature Duke passion, my friends, and it's a passion that will take them much farther than a first round upset defeat this year. At a minimum, I look for this Duke team to go at least as far as when JJ Redick took his No. 1 seeded Dukies to the Sweet 16 before he cried like a spanked child after losing to a freshman oriented LSU team.

But the main reason why I give Duke a strong chance to advance this year is the incoming class of incredible diaper dandies. We're talking Kyle Singler, Taylor King, and Nolan Smith. It's just won blue chipper after another. It's the best recruiting class for Coach K since, well, since he brought in that loaded class last season. And I really believe the odds are that Coach K will actually develop this year's class of high school All-Americans. Here's a simple formula, baby: Coach K + 7 McDonald's AAs + 7 foot tall Parade AA + National Gatorade POY + Connecticut and New York Gatorade POYs = W (at least against low tier non-conference competition).

The bottom line here is that it will not be too much of a stretch to see the Dukies return to the Final Four in 2008. Coach K is just too capable of a coach to have a highly rated team full of nationally acclaimed high school stars upset in the NCAA's four years in a row.

So those are my predictions for this year's Final Four. But, hey, we've got a whole season of hoops to go before then! It's gonna be awesome, with a capital A!

Published by Brian Allen

I am a practicing trial attorney and a sports enthusiast. I have published one sports parody book.  View profile

2 Comments

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  • Jumpman Lane4/24/2010

    your parody ONLY sux big giant king kong monkey balls JUST CUZ Duke won a narional championship lol er no ... that's not the only reason! SAP!

  • Michael Grisso11/28/2007

    man, Vitale always jocks Duke.

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