Did The Kids Are All Right Get it Wrong About Lesbians?

On MSNBC's "Morning Joe" recently, host Joe Scarborough said comparing the right of gays and lesbians to marry to that of people of mixed races is a "weak argument." That's because for social conservatives like Scarborough, sexual preference is viewed as a lifestyle choice, not an inborn trait like skin color. So it's ironic that "The Kids Are All Right," a movie intended to shed a positive light on lesbian relationships - especially lesbian marriages - instead poured lighter fluid on the fiery debate over whether being a lesbian is a lifestyle choice or inborn trait.

A key story line in "The Kids Are All Right," a plot twist that involves an affair by one of the lesbian women with a man (who happens to be her son's sperm donor), suggests the man is able to satisfy the woman emotionally and sexually in a way her female partner cannot. The heterosexual affair could be construed as evidence, albeit fictional, that the philandering lesbian character could have just as easily been happily married to a man, an option many social conservatives find preferable because it would have allowed her to raise her child in a more conventional - and, from their perspective, morally and emotionally superior - nuclear family comprised of both a mother and father.

One might suspect "The Kids Are All Right" was produced by Sarah Palin rather than Lisa Cholodenko, a renowned indie film writer and director who herself is a lesbian and a mother. Not only does the lesbian relationship in "The Kids Are All Right" seem inferior to that of the heterosexual relationship, the daughter in the movie is portrayed as sexually repressed and starved for a father figure, and the two lesbian mothers seem almost disappointed whey they find out their son is not gay.

With the recent reversal of California's Proposition 8, a judicial ruling that could revive the right of California's gays and lesbians to marry, a movie that suggests lesbian marriages are subversive and harmful to children seems to play more into the hands of social conservatives than lesbians.

Not surprisingly, some members of the lesbian community have lambasted the movie. Among the critics:

The Lesbian Mafia: "Taking some Jerry Springer situation and pushing it out to the masses and marketing it as a 'Lesbian Movie' is horrifyingly irresponsible and sellout. There are so few films in mainstream involving lesbians, they know damn well how damaging this image is.... This film perpetuates the damaging myth that only men's sexuality is certain and Lesbians are not really Lesbians, especially when they are more feminine."

Jill Bennett on SheWired.com: "...while we should be thrilled that A list actors are taking on lesbian roles, I for one would really appreciate a mainstream storyline that didn't include one half of a long term lesbian partnership straying for a man.... Lesbian has become code word for waiting for the right man to show them what they're missing."

Lesbians Vs. Bisexuals

The controversy swirling around "The Kids Are All Right" could hinge on the lack of distinction the movie makes between lesbian and bisexual women. Jenni Olson describes this confusion in AfterEllen.com: "As we lesbians have been agitating for better portrayals of lesbians; we have also systematically (if unintentionally) been de-legitimizing the fact that many of these characterizations we may have dubbed "negative lesbian" portrayals might sometimes more accurately be described as "bisexual" portrayals which are not inherently negative or positive (except inasmuch as we as lesbians have desired to have more images of just plain old lesbians)."

Further complicating the issue is the concept of "fluidity" proposed by Dr. Lisa Diamond, a research psychologist who told The Boston Globe that labels such as "lesbian" do not work for most women since at different times in their lives women can be attracted to people of either gender. In some cases, the same- or other-gender attraction could even be singular and person specific, as in the case of actress Anne Heche who was in a one-time lesbian relationship with comedienne Ellen DeGeneres. That does not mean women who fluctuate between genders are bisexual, according to Diamond, but that their sexual preference is "fluid" depending on what may be going on in their lives at that time.

Because her research is complex, Diamond was initially concerned her theories could be taken out of context and misconstrued by social conservatives who might twist her concept of "fluidity" to mean women have the power to choose to whom they are attracted at any given time. "I want to make it clear that just because some women exhibit fluid sexual attraction, it doesn't mean that sexual orientation is a 'lifestyle choice,'" Diamond told the Globe.

Even if being lesbian were a lifestyle choice, it does not necessarily mean that two women should be denied the right to marry, just as a heterosexual couple who chooses not to have children are not denied the right to marry. Still, advocates for lesbian marriage could lose some of their legal mojo if lesbianism is viewed more as a lifestyle choice than inborn trait.

One of the main arguments against lesbian marriage has been the harm to children, a premise that has been eroded by current research which suggests children are not harmed by being raised by two mothers instead of the traditional mom-and-dad duo. A study published by "Journal of Marriage and Family" in February 2010, for instance, found that children raised by parents of the same gender typically do as well as children who have both male and female parents. And in his ruling to overturn California's Proposition 8, Judge Vaughn Walker wrote, "Children raised by gay or lesbian parents are as likely as children raised by heterosexual parents to be healthy, successful and well-adjusted. The research supporting this conclusion is accepted beyond serious debate in the field of developmental psychology."

Who Are the Real Ozzie and Harriets?

As for lesbians undermining the sanctity of marriage, actors, politicians and athletes have already taken care of that with their tabloid affairs and revolving-door marriages. Should marriage be illegal for them as well? If anything, the lesbian couple in "The Kids Are All Right" are more like the iconic Ozzie and Harriet than many heterosexual celebrity couples.

Although not an ideal portrayal of lesbians, in the end, "The Kids Are All Right" does more good than harm to the rights of lesbians to marry by depicting the relationship of the movie's lesbian couple as more similar to that of a typical healthy heterosexual relationship -- from bickering and nagging, to worrying about the children, to supporting each other's dreams.

Sources:
http://www.nyu.edu/about/news-publications/news/2010/01/21/do_children_need_both_a_mother.html
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2007/12/30/qa_with_lisa_diamond/
http://www.thelesbianmafia.com/home/the-kids-are-all-right-our-review/
http://www.shewired.com/Article.cfm?ID=25336
http://www.afterellen.com/movies/2010/7/the-grown-ups-are-bisexual
http://blogs.wsj.com/law/2010/08/04/some-key-excerpts-from-the-proposition-8-ruling/