Did Miley Cyrus Kill Twitter?

Ashton Kutcher has decried the new technology as being a haven for stalkers!

Chris Brown, Miley Cyrus, and Selena Gomez will no longer be beguiling us with their riveting tales of hanging out and brushing their teeth. Oh no!

By the way, have you seen Conan's viral video making fun of Chris Brown? Google it and prepare to laugh your technological head off.

America listens more to the people above than it does to its politicians and lawyers (as if they're worthy of any more respect), and as such, does this spell the end of the Twittering phenomenon?

The CEO of Twitter is already off on a new product, a kind of credit card add-on for iPhones. Soon you'll be able to conduct transactions with your phone as well. No more hearing, "Oh, I'll pay you back tomorrow for lunch. No cash on me now." Nope. Swipe that Visa and pay me back NOW.

So the CEO's on to bigger and better, the biggest celebrity using the service backed away from it, and others seem to be following suit. I can only imagine the next thing, as social networking gets ever more banal and intrusive, having all the subtlety of a toilet cam. Maybe for a fee we'll be finally placing those Big Brother chips in our heads and having our thoughts sent technologicapathically to anyone in our friend circle. No more having to cross the room to gossip about someone. Just think it and it's automatically news to your fanbase. I call it the Goschip.

Ok, so maybe the marketing needs work, but that's about all that's left.

I'm kind of tired of technologies making us "closer than ever." I don't like most of you that much, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. I don't believe that many of you have anything to add to my life, and it would seem as such when I chat you up in bars. Worst conversations of my life. Maybe we need a device to actually give people interesting lives instead of just the ability to broadcast their boring ones. I would have a website calls Wowznet where people with boring lives could go, sign in, and I would manufacture some sort of event that they could THEN talk about. Mostly along the tragic/black comedy lines. Like stealing their Terrier or something.

Hey, like I said, the marketing needs work. But don't say you wouldn't watch a TV show about that.