Did Rihanna Provoke the Beat-down by Chris Brown?

The way the media has handled the alleged physical altercation between pop stars Chris Brown and Rihanna is sexist, biased and un-evolved. Whenever there is a fight between a man and a woman most people automatically assume that it is the man's fault because he is physically bigger and stronger than a woman. However, the primary and most dangerous assumption is that this belief indirectly implies that the man is intellectually superior, more rational, and logical-- and should be incapable of responding emotionally to a woman's child-like tantrums and tirades. If he is a "real-man" no matter what the woman is doing or saying to him, he should man-up and walk away.

Women want to be treated as equal citizens including equal pay for equal work - and I totally agree being a woman myself. We believe that there should be a direct relationship between responsibility and accountability. But this same logic must apply to how we, as women, interact with men when we are angry, suspicious or unhappy with him in any manner. A man is entitled to the same respect of his privacy and to be spoken to with the same tone of respect that we, as women, would give to a female friend. What many women are unable to understand or admit intellectually and spiritually is that we want it both ways-we want to be treated as intellectual equals in all matters of society when it's to our advantage; yet reserve the right to be treated as inferior and weak when it comes to emotional control when interacting with a male partner.

We cannot resolve the issue of domestic violence in the United States by primarily looking at the issue from the female angle-- a woman who is an emotional victim and is justified in expressing her jealousy, rage and anger towards an adult male through destruction of his property, violating his privacy and verbally abusing him (but not a male child because he is smaller and less intelligent than an adult woman) and the male as the gatekeeper of anger unless it is directed at another male, sports or video games.

In the movie Jerry Mcguire his ex-fiancé, played by Kelly Preston, punched and kicked him upon learning that he was calling off the marriage. A woman character in the movie Two can Play that Game used a baseball bat to hit the male character who played her boyfriend and broke the furnishings in his apartment. In the movie Baby Boy, the lead female character consistently physically attacked the male leading character for cheating on her. In the movie 27 Dresses, Katherine Heigal's character slaps the male leading character, a columnist for the local newspaper, after learning that he had written an article about her.There are so many movies that portray the strong male cowboy-type who is slapped by the angry woman for whatever reason. The media is clearly saying that it is okay for a woman to hit a man for misbehaving, but it is domestic violence if a man strikes a woman for any reason. Physically attacking another human being is not a gender issue.

How we socialize boys and girls contribute to domestic violence. When my son would tell me that my daughter hit him, I would tell my son to stop acting like a baby. "I know you're not upset because a "girl" hit you," I would tease him. However, when my son hit my daughter I would explain to him the importance of self-control and not letting anyone coerce him into an act that is not representative of who he is. I would tell my son that he should walk away from his sister no matter how hard she hit him because he is male and this means that he is physically stronger than his sister. I realized that what I actually was doing was telling my son that he was more rational and intelligent than my daughter.

Additionally, I was inadvertently telling my daughter that it is okay to be emotionally out of control and use physical violence as a manner of communicating her feelings. I wasn't teaching my daughter that she is as capable of rational behavior and being in control of her actions. It was not psychologically healthy for me to give my daughter the indirect message that she is the weaker sex mentally or physically. I no longer tolerate verbal or physical abuse from either of my children because it never solves the real issues.

If women don't want a men to physically abuse them, then they shouldn't slap, him, search through his personal belongings, or verbally or physically abuse him in any way. Until women are willing to see the role that we play in perpetuating aggression and anger in society this will be an ongoing social ill in America. If Rihanna initiated, provoked or started the physical altercation with Chris Brown - this case should be objectively assessed and judgment given based on both parties being intellectually equal and responsible for how their behavior may impact the fight or flight response in another human-beings brain. Period. This issue is bigger than Chris Brown and Rihanna-this is about how men and women are conditioned to communicate with each other before they are angry.