Differing Sex Drives Can Wreak Havoc on Your Relationship

Surely you've heard the jokes about how women never want sex and men always do. The reality is that for both men and women the sex drive and libido waxes and wanes quite often, and it's not always going to allow both of you to be sex driven at the same time. There are many things which affect the libido, from stress at work to hormonal changes which have nothing to do with the relationship itself. The problem is when differing sex drives lead to relationship problems.

Most of the time the problems in a relationship that are caused by differing sex drives are preventable but you have to be aware of how your partner is feeling and you have to communicate.

For example: Let's say Jim and Ann have been together for several years. Initially they were both quite satisfied with their sex life. However Jim changed jobs and took on a lot of stress, his libido has dropped and he has stopped initiating sex. Ann feels unattractive and unwanted because their sexual activities have almost disappeared unless she initiates it. Her feelings affect her mood, behavior and even her appearance. She snaps at Jim constantly about things around the house increasing his stress level and further decreasing his libido, all while she is secretly wanting nothing more than to ravage him within an inch of his life but is afraid of being rejected.

If Ann would simply go to Jim and ask him whether his feelings or attraction to her have changed, or even tell him she would like to have sex more often, without having to initiate it then maybe Jim would realize that he needs to balance his work and home life so that job stress doesn't impact his relationship with Ann. Ann needs to "man up" and tell Jim how she feels.

Rather than being moody and distant with each other if Jim and Ann communicate and discuss the topics that are affecting their relationship they can break the vicious cycle of heaping hurt feelings on top of hurt feelings and stress on top of stress.

Sharing your feelings with your partner is a vastly important part of your relationship. So if you and your partner are experiencing differing sex drives and it is causing a rift in the intimacy and closeness you generally share you have to address the sex issue before it becomes a serious problem and tears your relationship apart.

Sometimes there is no immediate fix for differing libidos but by communicating and attempting to understand what your partner is experiencing whether it is a sudden high libido or a waning of sexual urge you can help prevent the sex issue from affecting your relationship in other ways.

Sources: Author experience, Mayo Clinic, Cosmopolitan